Fighting back against lame come-ons

It's happened again. Another barely literate guy tries to "compliment" me on MySpace: "had to let u no i love ur pix u got a great bodyn ur to me bad grl look is a big turn on" Had this guy bothered to read my profile, which they barely do, but I can hope, he would have seen that I prefer a guy to be somewhat articulate and interested in what I am interested in before I will talk to him. I've seen text messages more coherent than this email. And he sends yet another message, which reads: "i need to no
Body: do u draw cuz i wanna get another tat n i want a nice bloody goth pic but i no no1 to draw me 1" For the record, "no" and "know" are two very different words.
If anyone has read the great comic strip Pearls Before Swine, there is a zebra character who is constantly foiling his insanely stupid crocodile predators with the simplest logic. My dad told me that the zebra reminds him of me, and I can see parallels between the zebra's battle with the crocodiles and my battle with stupid guys trying to snare me with lame and futile methods. I was walking last weekend, and some guy pulled over in his SUV. Thinking he was going to ask for directions, I stopped. But no, the guy just wanted to tell me I was "very attractive." While nicer than some of what I've gotten over the years, some guy who had no idea who I really was tried to flatter me into his pants solely based on how I look. He probably thought that because he was slightly articulate, I would have responded, but his motives were the same as any catcaller, and I walked by him just as I have with so many others before him. I'm sure I've been classified as a bitch by these guys, but they don't respond to anything but the most obvious rejection. With some guys, if you just make eye contact with them once, they'll think you're interested. So anyone who gets unwanted advances from this type of guy has to be firm, even a little mean, to get the point across. Besides, why should we care what these idiots think about us?

The human thirst for revenge

I was watching a show about the Yosemite Killer today, and a family member of one victim said she just wanted the killer "gone." I took this as a request for the death penalty. In another show I saw about Pedro Lopez, who murdered as many as 200 young women in South America, the families of the victims were all but forming a lynch mob to track him and murder him. Maybe it's because I've never lost a loved one to a violent crime, but all of this is a little unsettling to me. Grief makes people do crazy things, but why should bloodlust be among them? Wasn't the desire to take a human life what caused the problem in the first place? As rational human beings, we should be able to rise above the baser instincts that the rapists and murderers of society let themselves fall prey to. Some advocates of capital punishment say that it's about more than revenge, but with both FBI profiler John Douglas and one of Ted Bundy's would-be victims expressing a desire to "pull the switch," it makes me doubt that it's about anything but revenge. The desire for revenge lives in all of us, but we're a civilized society. Haven't we grown beyond the medieval practice of public hangings? As FBI profiler Robert Ressler says in his book Whoever Fights Monsters, the thousands of dollars spent by the state to execute Ted Bundy to sate the bloodlust of the outraged public could have been put to much better use, such as building crime labs, training law enforcement officials and research.
Onto the personal front. The guy I met a month ago, who I thought could be the love of my life, told me he can't be involved with anyone right now. We still talk, but he said he might not even be in the area much longer, and I feel like the forces of luck have conspired against me yet again. I may have found the perfect man, but I just found him at the wrong time.

Sex crimes in Iraq

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070703/ap_on_re_us/iraq_rape_slaying;_ylt=Ag9MHQvO2VlOwkQF8np.C5BvzwcF

A US soldier accused of raping, murdering and burning the body of a 14-year-old Iraqi girl may finally face his day in court. Though I'm opposed to the Iraq war, I recognize that this type of war crime is not unique to Iraq. Soldiers dating back to the Middle Ages, and likely even earlier, have used combat to cover for more personal crimes, and were sometimes rewarded for their efforts. Goya's classic art series "The Disasters of War," from the 1800s, chronicles countless atrocities committed by soldiers. The motivation of this particular soldier in Iraq is unclear, but it appears to be a mixture of opportunity, a conquering warrior syndrome and a sense of entitlement. He saw a helpless young woman who was a member of an enemy nation and took advantage of her, then burned the evidence and killed the witnesses, the girl's family. The only thing that makes him and the brutality of his crimes different from an ordinary rapist and murderer is his military status, and the enemy status of the victims. If he was a civilian living in the United States, he'd likely be executed for the same actions.
Scooter Libby won't be going to prison, because "President" Bush thinks that a 30-month sentence is too harsh for leaking the identity of a CIA agent, thereby endangering her life. But he claims that with the fine and the "damage" to Libby's reputation, Libby will not get off free. I'm not inclined to trust George W. Bush after what he's done with his presidency, and this feels like cronyism and currying favor among the conservatives he's alienated, as some have suggested. The fact that the CIA agent's husband, a US ambassador, was a vocal critic of Bush's Iraq policy leads to more suspicion of just how aware Bush was of Libby's crimes and how much he allowed to happen. There are rumors that Libby will get a full pardon, and while this won't be the first questionable presidential pardon, from Ford pardoning Nixon to Clinton letting Marc Rich off the hook and Bush Senior absolving Iran-Contra criminals, it will be another black mark on Bush Junior's presidential record.
Personal note: DC's Summer Masquerade Ball is less than two weeks away, and I still don't have an outfit. I'll be using my day off tomorrow to hit the stores in hopes of finding one, and waste time today when I should be working searching online for inspiration. But whatever I end up wearing, I can't wait for SMB. All the years I've gone, I've had an amazing night, and it looks like this year will be bigger and better than ever, with three floors and a rooftop deck, bands, models (including the goddess Julie Simone), fetish carnival games and the usual crew of kick-ass DJs and my good friends. And I might get to bring the latest object of my adoration, one I have high hopes for. I just hope this one doesn't turn out to be one in a long string of disappointments.

Putin's regime throws up a smokescreen

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070702/wl_nm/russia_berezovsky_dc;_ylt=AjcRZnSbP2XIb6GpuR4GJZ10bBAF

A friend of a Russian dissident who was poisoned under mysterious circumstances has been charged by Putin's administration for "plotting to overthrow the government," because of a comment he made in a British newspaper that only force could changed the undemocratic Russian regime. I guess freedom of speech isn't valued in today's Russia any more than it was under Stalin. With Putin and his associates under suspicion for the dissident and former Russian secret service officer's murder, they've charged an emigre with a crime for the sole purpose of distraction, and making the victim look bad through association with a man who they have charged with treason.
On the personal front, I had a great weekend. On Saturday I went to EN, where I got a dose of body paint and had a great time hanging out with Azure and some newcomers, and an impromtu photo shoot with Larry B. On Friday I went to a Bound special event, where I had a second encounter with a guy I met at Bound on my birthday. We had been emailing in the interim, but I really feel something with this guy. He's very hot, which helps, but he's also smart, interesting and sounds like he gets me, which is very rare in people I've met. I had other friends there, but I couldn't stop talking to him. I know my instincts have been wrong before, and I've ended up getting badly hurt because of it, but I'm hoping for something different with this one. Soon I'll either be putting up elated posts about the amazing new guy in my life, or I'll return to my lovelorn state with posts to match.

Another lame pick-up attempt

Bound was amazing last Friday; great bands, good friends (including a few I haven't seen in far too long), a lot of fun. But of course, it had to be spoiled by some loser using one of the worst pick-up lines ever. It wasn't even really a line, just a rambling story from some loser trying to get my attention. He approached me in the bathroom, and asked if he could "tell me a story." I was mildly curious to see where he was going, so I agreed. The parts of what he called a story that I could follow included some friends from Tibet or some other Asian country. When I asked if there was a point to his "story," he said there was, but continued on his apparently aimless path. When I told him I was bored, he said "Enjoy your life" and left. I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean, but at least he left me alone after that. Any guy at Bound who wears baggy jeans and an off-kilter baseball cap like this guy was is going to have a hard time meeting any girl who will pay attention to him, especially with such lame material.
Another thing that pisses me off (yes, it's Monday and I'm in a bad mood): politically, I identify as a liberal, but I hate being categorized through this identification as an overly sensitive member of the PC police, just as I'm sure more socially permissive conservatives resent being lumped in with their more prudish, Bible-thumping counterparts. I have mixed feelings about issues like affirmative action and gun control: does purposely hiring minorities really help them get ahead, or does it just breed more racial strife and the thought that minorities need a helping hand (the same reason I'm on the fence about hate crime legislation)? Maybe there was a time when affirmative action was necessary, but has that time passed? I don't have enough information to be sure. I know banning guns won't stop crime, and people who really want guns will always find a way to get them, legally or illegally. I don't agree with Newt Gingrich's recent assertion that more guns would have stopped the Virginia Tech massacre, and how did such a mentally unstable young man get guns anyway? The shooting was entirely his fault, not the guns, but weapons should be kept out of the hands of people so clearly disturbed. As a blogger friend said about gun-crazy Gingrich, you don't see crimes like Virginia Tech in countries like Sweden or Japan, where gun laws are much stricter. Not everyone who buys a gun uses it for such nefarious purposes, and I'm not about to stop people from hunting, even though I find things like game hunting, with no clear purpose except sport, morally reprehensible. I wouldn't support banning gun ownership altogether, but not only do I find the idea of stockpiling assault weapons in one's home a frightening concept, I don't really see the point. When is an ordinary person going to use an assault weapon? But Americans love guns, something the rest of the world doesn't understand, and some might buy assault weapons just because they can. Heavily armed households frighten me, as does the concept of unfettered capitalism, another American conservative treasured tenet. Corporations, not exactly known for ethical behavior, being given free reign is disturbing. And I don't mind paying taxes, even if a good deal of the money is currently going to abstinence-based sex education and a dead-end war.

Reality to Vatican: Are you listening?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070613/lf_afp/religionvaticanamnesty;_ylt=AmXEPN58baCDWIw4J0qPxwE7Xs8F

The Vatican hates abortion. That has been made abundantly clear. Now they're advocating that their millions of followers withdraw support from Amnesty International, who they claim have been swayed by the evil forces of the pro-choice movement. Actually, Amnesty International doesn't have a public position on this issue, but they do support the fair treatment and safe harboring of women who have had abortions, and the health interests of women, which, to the misogynistic Vatican's dismay, may include a woman's right to have an abortion if she so chooses. So the Catholic Church's problem with Amnesty International isn't so much that they support abortion, but that they don't preach the evils of abortion like Catholic officials do at every opportunity. Some Catholic charities do good work, but I'm always wary of religious groups going to third world countries offering relief. The people in these countries are rarely Christian, and we know how some religious types love to spread their faith, especially in exchange for good deeds. The late Pope John Paul II, for his part, was a vocal opponent of capital punishment and the Iraq war, but he also called the right to choose "the culture of death" and opposed changing church doctrine in any way, even in recognition of women's rights and the changing world. Vatican officials also oppose UNICEF's practice of giving post-conception spermicides to women who have been raped. Terrible, right? Giving aid to traumatized women is unthinkable in Vatican doctrine if it leads to the termination of a pregnancy. Catholics in Los Angeles, in the midst of priests in its diocese finally going on trial for abusing children, are worried that their Hispanic population is going to evangelical churches. Just another organization trying to hold onto its followers, all while preaching a doctrine straight out of the Middle Ages. And my parents wonder why I want nothing to do with this institution.

Birthday weekend is over

I had a great weekend. Bound on Friday, Entre Nous on Saturday, and lots of booze and friends. Todd helped mix me a special drink on Friday, and Azure kept me loaded with champagne shots on Saturday. And on Saturday, I actually saw a guy for a second time when he picked me up at EN. I'm still figuring out if I really like this guy or not, and I met a guy at Bound who I liked but have yet to call. A special thanks to the DJs at Bound and EN for keeping me dancing; Solaris, London and Ms. Panic (aka Erin) at Bound and KC and Larry B. at EN. I think 25 will be a good year.
With another year of my life behind me, I've decided to make a few changes. The first is, I need to get a new job. My current job pays well, and I generally like the people I work with, but the work itself is tedious, shallow and gives me very little satisfaction. That's probably true about almost any regular office job, but I think it's time to move on. I've applied to a couple new publishing positions, and with more experience on my resume, hopefully I'll have more luck getting the jobs I really want, rather than settling for cleaning up corporate bullshit like I do now.

Fake cop arrested

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070605/ap_on_re_us/fake_arrests;_ylt=AgcKHzcWIqaLjFZRZ57KLwdbIwgF

A man posing as a cop in order to rape women and steal money has been arrested in New York. The story reminded me of the stories of many serial killers who had aspired to be police officers. John Douglas, pioneering FBI criminal profiler, offered an explanation that made a lot of sense. These men want power, power over their victims, over life and death. A police officer, as the imposter in New York illustrates, symbolizes power and is authorized to be violent if the situation calls for it. So it's no wonder that Ted Bundy, Edmund Kemper, Wayne Williams (who, prior to his arrest in the Atlanta Child Murders, had been charged with impersonating a police officer) and Gerald Schaeffer, a former deputy sheriff in Florida who used his position to kidnap and murder several young women, wanted to become members of law enforcement, although they all ended up on the other end of the law and order chase.
In other crime news, Scooter Libby, former aide to Satan (aka Dick Cheney), has been sentenced to 30 months in prison. Any chance he'll serve his entire sentence? And, what will happen to a guy nicknamed Scooter in prison? Also, six foreign men have been charged with a plot to murder US military personnel. Why would they want to turn soldiers into martyrs, and give the US government more ammunition for their paranoid mindset that the rest of the world is out to destroy America? But I guess militants aren't exactly known for logic and common sense.
I recently found out that Vladimir Putin, Russia's current leader, was once a KGB officer, a member of an elite government-leased intimidation squad. With his opponents turning up dead one by one, and his shady past, it makes me wonder. And with his vow to block a planned missle defense shield supported by "President" Bush, US relations with Russia could start cooling again. Whether it cools to the point of another Cold War remains to be seen, and if US military officials and other supporters of the missle defense plan turn up on Putin's hit list.
My birthday celebration kicked off at Chronos last night, but I had to leave early because I started to get tired, and because I had to work today. I had a good time while I was there though: great music (thanks to the DJ who played Leonard Cohen's "The Future"), lots of freaks, and the goddess Bebe, who let me share her birthday party, even though, as expected, she was the star of the night. The one downside, besides having to leave early: some bleach-blond, eyeliner-smeared guy kept trying to come up to me. He approached me once with his arms stretched out, like I was someone he knew, and when I recoiled, he looked surprised. He probably thought I looked like I wasn't having a good time, and decided to take it upon himself to "cheer me up." First of all, it's a goth club, I shouldn't feel out of place for not smiling. Second, I had no idea who this guy was, and a total stranger reaching his arms out to me and standing in front of me waiting for me to respond like I was his best friend is just strange, even for Chronos. On my way out, I heard something amusing. A Five staff member was standing outside talking to someone, who asked "What's it like in there?" The staff member, with a note of disbelief, said, "Like Halloween." That's exactly how we like it. How often in this world do we get to dress up and express ourselves in any way we want? It makes me think of a Twilight Zone-esque alternate universe: Who are the real freaks here?

Middletown

The AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring is currently holding, among other events, a Northern Ireland film festival, and yesterday I saw a movie called Middletown. It's the story of a fanatic preacher who comes back to his desolate hometown to rid it of perceived "sin," only to alienate his family, who owns the local pub, in the process. The scariest thing about this preacher, and many other "men of God," is the sense of entitlement he feels, because as a child, the local preacher told him he was "chosen by God" to carry out divine purpose on earth. Even as his family's pub is going under, due in part to his sermons, he doesn't reach out to them, but instead continues his preaching against sin, and when he decides to rid his church home of "decadent" material wealth, he burns it instead of giving it to the many needy citizens of the town, including his brother, whose wife is pregant, and lives in a cramped trailer. Another startling element in the preacher's character is how unhappy he is. He never seems to get any joy out of what he does and isolates himself from the community except on Sundays, but is blindly in the service of an invisible boss. Fanatics who live their life solely for the purpose of buying a spot in heaven after death are rarely happy, and how could they be when they've devoted their present life to the afterlife.
On the personal front, I went out for some pre-birthday partying this past weekend, and had a great time, even though I ran into my two asshole exes. I was pleased with myself at how quickly I forgot them. Also, there's another potential guy in my life, who I met at Bound two weeks ago and saw again when he picked me up at EN last Saturday. Who knows how this one will turn out, and even when a guy says he likes me, from my experience, that's no guarantee that he won't screw me over somewhere down the line. He said he'd be at Bound this Friday for my birthday, and if he doesn't show up, I'll still have my friends to celebrate with me. I'm looking forward to this weekend, and just have to get through the work week.

My lost weekend

I had a fun, crazy, intoxicated weekend. On Friday I checked out Bound at its new venue in Chinatown, a much better neighborhood and more Metro-accessible than Lime in Southwest. The new place has a great deconstructed underground look, and the bar staff is much better than at Lime. It's a bit on the small side, but compared to all the good points, I would much rather stay there then go back to Lime. I saw all my good friends, had a few too many drinks, enjoyed my friend Cat's performance on top of the bar. She was dressed like a 60s gogo dancer, which made it even better. I saw one of the bartenders lean down to look up her dress. And I met a DC cop and got his number. Yes, after years of fantasizing, I finally hooked up with a cop. Then on Saturday, I went to Entre Nous, where I saw even more friends, got drunk again (the Jello shot Angelo gave me was the beginning of the end) and just generally had a good time. On my way home, I text messaged the cop I met just the night before, unaware in my intoxicated state that he would have no idea who I was. Yesterday, I got a puzzled phone call from him, and after I explained, he remembered who I was. But I was scared to call him at first. I always am. I've collected a few guys' phone numbers and have never called them, because I'm afraid. Afraid of what to say, afraid they won't remember me or they will remember me and not want to talk to me. After doing something as stupid as drunkenly texting someone I had just met, I had yet another hurdle to climb over if I called this guy. But after he called, he just laughed it off after I explained it. This has happened before, I do something I think is so stupid that it will turn someone off of me forever, and they just laugh about it and forget it. But I still get scared if I have to call someone for the first time. I hope this gets easier, and it has over the past few years, but there are still some walls I have to get over.
I spent most of yesterday trying to get my mind cleared and get back on my feet. I try not to overdo it with drinking, but this past weekend I had a hard time knowing when to stop. It was my lost weekend, but luckily I still remember parts of it, like a new guy and Cat on the bar. I'll be in Boston for most of Memorial Day weekend, but I'll be back out soon, definitely in two weeks when I celebrate my 25th birthday with a three-night party weekend. I hope to see all my friends out to celebrate with me.

LA serial killer convicted

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070515/ap_on_re_us/serial_killings;_ylt=Aqr9SFJ8gjLPMpaOi8OT.ytbIwgF

There's very little in here about the killer himself, except that he was convicted of 10 murders while already in prison on a rape charge, and that he showed no emotion during his trial. I was watching a TV special about Dennis Rader (BTK) last night, and his coldness in describing his murders was chilling, but very common among murderers of that type. What I found interesting about this article was a quote from the mother of one of the victims, responding to the question of whether the killer should be sentenced to death or life without parole. Contrary to what many proponents of the death penalty say about the death sentence being for the benefit of the victims' families, this woman is in favor of a life sentence, so he can "think about this." A life sentence, with the removal from society and isolation, does seem like a more fitting penalty than death, for exactly that reason. And unlike capital punishment, if new evidence were to come out exonerating the convicted offender, a life sentence is reversible.
In other crime news, four men were charged in the case of an 18-year-old Bosnian immigrant who killed five people in a Utah mall back in February for illegally selling guns to the killer. The attorneys for the defendants charge that their clients did not know they were doing anything wrong, and with the gunman himself killed during his rampage, Utah officials might just be searching for someone to convict in his absence.
From serial killers and mass murderers, now I'll briefly address Mafia hitmen. I caught a snippet of an interview with a former hitman on TV last night, and he described the work that he did. He worked as a contractor (hence the term "contract killer"), carrying out the wishes of his bosses. One wanted him to cut out the victim's tongue, another wanted him to cut out the tongue and shove it up the victim's ass, to get a message across. He came across as cold, because that was his job. Murder wasn't a means of gratification to him, it was just a way to earn a living. He had to become cold inside to do it.

More religious bullshit

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070509/ap_on_re_eu/pope_brazil;_ylt=Ak69X_AH3D2QhP8pnboWtQY7Xs8F

When will the Vatican join the 21st century? As Pope Benedict's recent tour of Latin America illustrated, the church's antiquated ideals of chastity and opposition to birth control are far more important than the very real threat of AIDS in that part of the world and the changing social mores everywhere. This is the same man who told the people of the overpopulated and undernourished regions of Africa to "be fruitful and multiply." I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The Vatican is insulated in its own medieval world, all but ignorant of how society has changed. Yes, people now have sex before marriage, some women want to terminate unwanted pregnancies and control whether or not they become pregnant, and AIDS is a very real threat that can't be quelled through prayer and holy water, but condoms can be used to stop the spread of a disease that has taken many lives. Aren't Catholics supposed to respect the sanctity of life? Homosexuality is now generally accepted, whether the church likes it or not. And women actually want to be in positions of authority. Focusing on these little issues is the reason young people are leaving the church, not some demonic influence or the rise of other religions. For their part, certain progressive Catholic groups in Brazil protested the Pope's words, contending that spiritual growth should accept change rather than oppose it. The world has changed since the Middle Ages, when the Catholic Church reigned over all aspects of life and could promote its gospel of misogyny and forced chastity at will. Some more extreme members of the church still think they have that power, but for the most part, the world has stopped listening.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070502/lf_nm/muslimwomen_europe_virginity_dc;_ylt=AmhQYndfh3e3pb5SOdU5qCg7Xs8F

On the subject of misogynistic religions, Muslim women in Europe are "regaining" their virginity through operations. Many of the women interviewed in the article said they did it because their future husbands expect to marry a virgin, and they've had premarital sex. I understand that some sexual encounters may be a source of regret, but if a man values a woman's virginity more than the woman herself, maybe the woman shouldn't be marrying him. If someone loves you, they will accept your past mistakes as in the past, and not demand an operation to "correct" it, or, in the case of most of these women, not even know because the operation was performed without the man's knowledge. These marriages, starting out on a lie, are not healthy. Another retreat, brought to us by religious fervor, back to the medieval days of enforced chastity (for women only) and faith spitting in reason's face.

That story makes me sick. Onto a happier topic. Bound is reopening this Friday at a more accesible venue, which means I can probably get out there more often. I desperately wanted to go last week to celebrate Dolphy's birthday with her (I'm sorry again that I missed it Dolphy, how can I make it up to you?), but collapsed when I got home from work and was in no mood to trek down to Southwest. After being unable to attend two friends' birthday celebrations (Dolphy and Trinity), with my birthday coming up in a few weeks, why should I expect anyone to show up at my celebration? Hopefully they'll come out anyway, and I hope they understand that I really wanted to go to their parties. I'm kind of new at this whole "having friends" thing, and getting out to see them sometimes requires a concerted effort on my part. It sounds crazy to you more normal people out there, but for me it really is a serious problem, that I hope my new friends will help me solve and be patient while I sort it all out.

Yet another Ripper candidate

A recent book about a South African pimp and career criminal points the finger at this notorious con man and batterer of women as Jack the Ripper. The author only devotes one chapter to his theory, having only drawn the connection toward the end of his research. The suspect in question had a lifelong hatred of women, was a Polish Jew (like fellow Ripper suspect Aaron Kosminski) and can be traced to England at the time of the Whitechapel murders. The author points to this and other coincidences to urge criminal historians to consider this man as a possible suspect. We'll probably never know who Jack the Ripper was, and this author does not make a definitive statement like Patricia Cornwall in her presumptuously titled book Jack the Ripper: Case Closed, where she uses mitochondrial evidence and hearsay to finger English painter Walter Sickert, a theory that has been laughed off by most criminologists.
The theory that the Ripper was a Jew originally stemmed from the influx of Eastern European Jewish immigrants in the East End of London at the time of the murders. Combining the natural animosity toward the new immigrant population with long-festering English anti-Semitism, the Jews, as has been common through history, became a ready-made scapegoat. But this, as former FBI profiler John Douglas relates in The Cases That Haunt Us, echoed by other criminologists, could be a case of scapegoating that could contain a shred of truth. The Ripper's evisceration of his victims' bodies was similar to the work of a butcher, many of whom in the East End at the time were Jewish. A man known in the neighborhood as "Leather Apron" was reportedly seen at some of the crime scenes, and was described as "ethnic," an English code word at that time for Jewish. Whether this latest candidate is taken seriously like Kosminsky, or shrugged off like Sickert and the even more ludicrous theory that the Ripper was a member of the British Royal Family, remains to be seen.
On a different topic, Don Imus is suing CBS for wrongful termination, citing a line in his contract that urged him to be irreverent and offensive along with the fact that a CBS producer could have cut him off at any time while he was making his racist remarks, but didn't. I read an online editorial that compared Imus to "Rooster Cogburn reading from The Turner Diaries." If that's the case, I likely wouldn't be a fan, but I still don't think he deserved to be fired. For those who don't know, The Turner Diaries is a badly written, often banned tome exulting racism, guns and anti-government terrorism, and was reportedly a favorite of Timothy McVeigh. I started reading it once, out of curiosity, but couldn't get through it. Not because of its ideology, sometimes a fascist point of view can be morbidly fascinating, but because the protagonist was dull and the story didn't go anywhere. That doesn't mean the book should be banned, any more than Don Imus should have been fired for making an admittedly racially insensitive but hardly dangerous remark. It brings to mind one of my favorite quotes from John Stuart Mill, a champion of free speech (he's also a favorite of mine for being an early supporter of women's rights): "Silencing the expression of an opinion is...robbing the human race; posterity as well as the existing generation; those who dissent from the opinion, still more than those who hold it. If the opinion is right, they are deprived of the opportunity of exchanging error for truth; if wrong, they lose, which is almost as great a benefit, the clearer perception and livelier impression of truth, produced by its collision with error."

Time for self-examination

I've been thinking lately about where I am in my life, and what I still have left to work on in myself. My biggest problem has always been knowing how to act around other people. Because of this, I often feel like I haven't lived as much as other people my age. I don't have any stories about crazy things I did with my friends in high school, because I didn't really have any friends in high school. I don't even have that many bad relationship stories, except for one, and even that wasn't really a relationship. I know a lot, but almost all of it is from books. I heard the term "educated virgin" in a song once, and that's exactly what I am. I knew the basic facts and had heard anecdotes about life experiences like love and sex long before I ever experienced them for myself. Since I turned 21, I've tried to make up for my lack of life experience by throwing myself into clubs, casual sex and meeting new acquaintances through old ones. Even with people in my life that could now almost be considered friends, I still don't feel like I can call or email any of them to ask for advice or even to hang out (a lot of people I've met at the club live in Virginia anyway). Even after finding a writing group, we've stopped meeting, and I haven't seen the group of writers that could become compatible friends in weeks.
After a lot of thinking, and a conversation with a friend, I know that my problem is that I'm afraid to take risks, to put myself out there. I can in a superficial sense, going to a club and briefly talking to someone, but I still can't get below that surface to find a true friend. So I took one step, however small: I emailed the members of my writing group to arrange a meeting. To most people, this would be nothing, even standard behavior, but to me its huge, taking the first step without waiting for someone else to approach me.
What I need to do now is really think about what I want out of life, now that I've got my "living experience" out of the way. Through my times at Bound and Entre Nous, and going to college in Boston, I've seen what exciting things life has to offer, but what elements of it do I really want? I probably won't be going out this weekend, because I have so much thinking and self-analysis to do. What is it about the one or two guys I just can't get over that makes me crazy? How do I go about finding friends who are compatible with me and don't make me wonder why everyone in the world is so stupid, the impression I get from most of the people I've met in my life. And most of all, what am I so afraid of?

More on Virginia Tech

I remember one thing about Cho's message. He was 23 years old, but in his video he sounded like a self-pitying adolescent. In A Criminal History of Mankind, Colin Wilson wrote that criminal behavior is essentially childishness: "A criminal is an adult who continues to behave like a child." When I was in middle school and high school, I was relentlessly teased, and I occasionally had thoughts about blowing my classmates' brains out, but I never did. And by the time I hit college, even though I still sometimes felt like I didn't fit in, I had grown out of my homicidal fantasies. The point is, when was Cho planning on growing up? I guess never.
While news wags can go on and on about gun control, supposed "warning signs" and the problems of bullying, this was not a common incident. Kids are bullied all over the country, and it is a serious problem that needs to be dealt with as appropriate, and very few of them end up acting out on a level even close to Cho's massacre. Criminal behavior is a lot like the English language; for every rule, there are several exceptions, and the structure is all but incomprehensible to an outsider without a lot of study and effort.
Onto those who are complaining about oversaturation in the media, and that Cho got exactly what he wanted by being made national news. The press' fascination and fixation with the lowest of society and human behavior has existed as long as the press. Some historians believe that the reason Jack the Ripper has become as notorious as he did is because his crimes coincided with the rise of mass literacy, giving people of all classes the chance to read the gory story. Humans will always have a twisted fascination with the monsters among us: the dual lure and fear of the unknown. Back when public hangings were standard practice, the noose was often cut into pieces after the criminal was dead and sold off to the eager crowd. This is a reality of human behavior, and it's not going to go away. Even if NBC News had chosen not to air Cho's video, with the Internet and resourceful curious people, it probably would have made it out to the public anyway. Technology may change, but the race, in this respect, won't.
On a completely different topic, Boris Yeltsin, former Russian president, supporter of American-style capitalism and world-famous drunk, has died. Finally, a Russian political death that Putin and his league of evil can't take credit for.

The Virginia Tech gunman manifesto

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18169776/

Nothing in Cho's "message" to NBC News dissuades me from my initial impression that he was the stereotype of the mass murderer. It's all there: a rough early childhood (he grew up poor with his family in South Korea until they moved to Northern Virginia in search of a better life), a hatred toward the world for unspecified "wrongs" they committed against him, a delusion of grandeur (he compares himself to Jesus Christ) and the images of him putting a gun to his head. This was a deeply disturbed young man bent on destroying himself and whoever was in his path. It's not clear yet whether or not he had specific targets in his rampage. But since he seemed to see all people around him as cruel to him, it's likely that he just wanted to take as many people as he could down with him.
As for whether he could have been stopped, with warning signs such as his blood-drenched writings and threatening e-mails to female classmates, and concerns from acquaintances that he was suicidal, I doubt it. The school could have taken more drastic disciplinary action, even kicked him out of the school, but I think all that would have done was fuel his rage further. There are too many stories of men fired from jobs who come back with guns. Cho had a plan, which he worked on well in advance of April 16, and that plan was a dramatic suicide including the deaths of others. If it hadn't been Virginia Tech, he would have lashed out somewhere else, or in another way. Unless he was in prison, I don't think he could have been stopped. And what is it about hindsight being 20/20? Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, the Columbine killers (who Cho mentions as "martyrs" in his message), supposedly left all kinds of warning signs that were revealed after the fact. Cho was clearly disturbed, but no one could have predicted that he would have lashed out quite like this.

Virginia Tech shooter identified

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070417/ap_on_re_us/virginia_tech_shooting

Anyone who knows me or regularly reads my blog probably knew that I was going to write about this story. Call me insensitive, but I'm not particularly interested in the grief of the students, the poor security reaction after the first leg of the rampage or, least of all, "President" Bush's reaction, who I'm sure is thankful for an opportunity to show how compassionate he is while continuing to send troops to die in an unnecessary and futile war effort. What I'm interested in is the shooter, his mindset and what set him off. Even now that he has been identified as a student from South Korea, because he was a loner and died during his rampage, we still don't know much about him.
Witnesses also said the shooter looked "determined" and "calm." This was a man who had made up his mind to take his own life and those of others. He had a plan to go out in a hail of gunfire and corpses. Without knowing anything about him, I can't say what set him off (although there are reports that it was an argument with a girlfriend), but the shooting itself followed the classic template set by Charles Whitman (the Texas bell tower shooter, whose spree immediately came to my mind after hearing about Virginia Tech), from the well-prepared stock of ammunition (Whitman, an Eagle Scout, was always prepared) to the shooter turning the gun on himself or shot by law enforcement. And the shooter was an angry loner. As is often the case in this type of crime, the shooter feels the world has wronged him in some way and, with his unstable mind shaken by a troublesome event, like a fight with a girlfriend, it triggers (probably the wrong choice of words here) the rage he feels and sets him off to correct the burdens he feels the world has inflicted on him. And yes, I will be following this story, waiting for more details about the killer to figure out what his trigger could have been.
If I was the paranoid type, I'd think that the press has been saturated with this story to distract from the continuing death toll in the President's dead-end war in Iraq. Same goes with the Don Imus controversy. Again, I run the risk of being called insensitive, and being unqualified to comment because I'm not black, but I fail to see what the big deal is. Don Imus, who is in a field where the participants are practically required to out-outrage each other, probably made the comment solely because it was politically incorrect, and wanted attention. I can't say that for sure, knowing next to nothing about Imus or his radio show. He may have thought that by making a slightly offensive comment, then issuing a simple apology, he could use the controversy to gain a wider audience. It's worked before. But with professional race-baiters Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton hot on his trail, Imus was fired, unjustly in my opinion. Rappers frequently say things that are far more offensive than Imus' "nappy-headed hos" comment. Don Imus probably shouldn't have said what he said, but he never deserved to get fired. Jesse Jackson, as predicted, was on the scene, still showing indignation at a perceived offense that is hypocritical for someone who once called New York City "Hymietown." And Al Sharpton, who takes him seriously at this point? He and other prominent black activists once rallied alongside alleged rape victim Tawana Brawley, who it turned out was making up the whole story. Even from the beginning, there were serious doubts about Brawley's account of her "rape," as former FBI profiler Roy Hazelwood says in his book The Evil That Men Do. But that didn't stop Sharpton and his cohorts from trumping up the story in the press as a testament to the racism in America. Yes, racism still exists in this country, but with the careers and lives of two innocent men all but destroyed by Brawley and her "advisers," this false accusation helped no one.
Moving from the public sphere to my personal life, I had a great weekend. Bound was fun, but could have been better. The awesome bands, like Inertia and Armageddon Dildos, deserved a far bigger crowd than what was there that night. Where is everyone? Again, if I was the paranoid type, I'd think that there was a widespread conspiracy in DC against the goth/fetish community keeping potential patrons from Bound and other clubs in the area. How else to account for the sparse attendance at what should have been one of the biggest Bound events of the year? On a happier note, Todd's birthday bash at Entre Nous on Saturday was a great time for all, especially the guest of honor. Happy Birthday Todd, from all of us in the DC pary underground.

Forced socializing

I had to go to the dentist today. I know everyone hates the dentist, but the questions about what I do and where I went to school were hardly necessary, especially from someone I only see because I absolutely have to, someone whose job it is to jam foreign metal objects into my mouth, and someone who I know really doesn't care about my answers. For most rational people, the fact that I had a very limited response to his inane questions would have been a clue that I wasn't interested in conversation, but this guy seemed to take it as a challenge. People have been doing that to me all my life, trying to draw me out. And unless I see that they're sincerely trying to get to know me because they like me as a person, and not just attempting to open my closed exterior, it's never worked. I'm not suddenly going to turn into a chatterbox just because you ask me a few questions if I have no interest in talking to you. I don't want my dentist to be my friend. I just want them to do their job and leave me alone. I'm only there out of necessity, and I hate it, and the idle chatter does nothing but heighten my resentment, which makes me even more uncomfortable. And I have to go back next week to have a cavity filled. Call me pessimistic, but I doubt that this overly friendly dentist will have learned anything from his previous failed attempts at small talk. Who actually likes being asked personal questions while they're being probed by sharp metal objects?
Now that I've vented about that evil necessity known as the dentist, I can't wait for Bound this Friday. Horror movie night on Friday the 13th. Should be a good one. There are some great bands playing, and I finally get to see DJ Medic in action, since I missed him the last time he came to Bound. You'll probably see me on the dance floor or screaming while bent over or chained and getting a good beating. On Saturday I'll be at Entre Nous to wish Todd a happy birthday. This weekend's events will be the perfect thing to get the taste of intrusive probing out of my mouth.

In a new place...again

For those of you wondering why I wasn't out and about this past weekend, I was moving to a new apartment, which took too much out of me to want to do anything else at the end of it all. But now that the move is done, I will be coming back out very soon. The awesome new hostess at Entre Nous, Azure, is enough to get me back out.
As much as I'd love to get my new place straightened out and decorated, there is never enough time. I'm always so tired from working all day that I never feel like doing anything that requires any kind of exertion after I get home. And on the weekends all I do is sleep most of the day, and then go out at night, and then begin the whole cycle over again. Sometimes it seems like all I do is work and then recover from working so much, and I rarely get to do anything for myself, like work on the many writing projects I have currently stalled or read the stacks of books I have yet to open. I need this job to be able to afford the new apartment I love, but it just takes so much out of me that sometimes I feel like I'm just working through life instead of enjoying it.
And after last Monday, I don't even have Prison Break to look forward to, until the fall. The season finale was a killer, though. Mr. Kim, ambassador of the sinister Company, got shot by Sara after he cornered Michael and Linc; Kellerman came clean to the courts about his role in the conspiracy, and fulfilled his death wish; and Bellick and T-Bag briefly shared a cell in a Panama jail. Now Michael is also in jail in Panama, after taking the fall for Sara. But I got the feeling that Michael, being Michael, has a plan. And I have to wait for months to figure out what that plan is.

More press for a professional harpy

As much as I hate to give Ann Coulter, that golem of the far right, more of the publicity that she devours like the vulture that she is, I felt I had to comment on the whole "fag" thing. Coulter has called everyone from Bill Clinton to Al Gore a fag, and now John Edwards. Like she calls all liberals "godless," apparently unaware of observant Jewish liberals and the growing Christian environmentalist movement, all men in the Democratic party are "fags" in her eyes, because if she hates Democrats, and her target audience of hate-mongering conservatives hate fags, what better way to encourage animosity between the two? She throws "fag" around like her hero Joseph McCarthy, that blackest of black eyes on American conservatism, used to throw around the label "Communist," as an all-purpose epithet for anyone who doesn't entirely agree with her extremist ideology.
I've noticed, and this has been said before, that Coulter's intense hatred of Bill Clinton, who she continues to trash even though he hasn't been in office for years, is rooted in an unrequited lust. Clinton spurned Coulter's advances, preferring full-figured Jewish girls to skinny Aryan bitches, and she then made it her mission to take him down. Her trash talk about Clinton, questioning his sexual orientation, etc., is startling similar to the rants of a scorned woman. I guess I should put this in the "paranoid theories" category.
I probably won't make it out to Bound tonight, but I'll definitely be out for Entre Nous' St. Patty's Day celebration. I can't wait to see Todd DJ for the first time, and to round out the week at a booze-filled bash with lots of good friends. I've been overworked all this week, haven't slept enough, and I didn't get my Prison Break fix last Monday. On the plus side, I had a date on Wednesday night with a decent guy; smart, literary, and actually understands what I say. I might see him again this weekend, after I recover from the St. Patrick's Day craziness.