The raising of a serial killer

Yes, I'm back to my favorite topic. I was watching an episode of Notorious about David Berkowitz, and, unlike many killers, he had generally good things to say about his adoptive parents, but adds that their love "wasn't enough" to ease his violent mind. His troubles with meeting his birth mother is another, tragic story, but Berkowitz managed to have parents who cared about him. His adoptive father expressed surprise and distress at hearing the news about his son. Jeffrey Dahmer's father Lionel, who wrote a book called A Father's Story that I highly recommend, expressed his grief about his son's troubled mind, and his struggle to reconcile his rational mind with his son's irrational actions. Lionel's troubled marriage with Jeffrey's mother, which lead to constant fighting and an eventual divorce, likely caused some strife in the Dahmer house.
Nathan Berkowitz and Lionel Dahmer are the exception, not the rule, in the families of serial killers. Gary Heidnik, who kept women captive in his basement, killing two, had a father who said he "wasn't interested" in his son's trial and conviction, and when Gary was young and wet his bed, his father displayed the soiled sheets on the front lawn. The lives of serial killers are filled with stories of people who should never have been allowed to have children. As Berkowitz and Dahmer displayed, a traumatic upbringing isn't the only factor that creates a killer, but it's a common element in the lives of violent criminals. Edmund Kemper's mother ridiculed his appearance, told him no woman would ever love him, and locked him in the basement because she thought he would molest his sister. Kemper's crimes against women were seen as him lashing out against his mother, and when he killed her, he turned himself in. Ed Gein, the inspiration for Norman Bates, has a religious fanatic mother who drove away his few friends by telling him they came from less pious families, making him believe that a boy's best friend is his mother. Ted Bundy, despite appearances of an idyllic childhood, was primarily raised by his grandfather, a vicious racist and wife-beater. Charles Manson was born to a 16-year-old prostitute and was raised by his uncle, who beat him and punished him by sending him to school in a dress. Henry Lee Lucas' mother also punished him by putting him in dresses, and once hit him so hard with a two-by-four that he lost consciousness. Lucas launched his murder career by killing his mother during an argument. Albert DeSalvo, a serial rapist who was once thought to be the Boston Strangler, had an alcoholic father who beat his wife in front of Albert and his sister, and sold the two children into slavery. John Wayne Gacy's alcoholic father beat and belittled him relentlessly. But a troubled childhood isn't the only thing that went wrong with these men. Dahmer's brother and DeSalvo's sister didn't turn into criminals, although they were raised in the same environment as their infamous siblings. And as Berkowitz said, sometimes a loving family isn't enough to stop the violent thoughts. The origin of the criminal mind remains a mystery.
Although I still don't have another job, I'm in slightly better spirits these days. Bound has a new home, I know I have friends around, and finally, Prison Break is back. Monday's season premiere had me on the edge of my seat. The Company's latest evil plan had me shouting at the screen, and I'm hoping for a reluctant Michael/Mahone alliance in the shithole Panamanian prison they now inhabit. That rat bastard T-Bag has gotten in good with the gangster-like prison ringleader, in typical psychopathic fashion. I think this season is going to be a good one, with the stories set up in the premiere.

Bound's first night at Expo

I haven't posted in a while, being in semi-hibernation after quitting my job two weeks ago, but I made it out to Bound for its debut at Expo, just off U Street. The bar sucks (they need more than one bartender) and the bathroom has a smell that would overpower any other public bathroom, and has a strange tumor-like mass in the corner. Other than those things, I had a good time. There's a nice dance floor, a small but effective play space, and tables to sit and hang out with friends, which is one of the major reasons I go to Bound.
Congratulations to Johnny (DJ Panic) and his wife Erin on their first anniversary, which we celebrated last night. I'm happy for them, but Johnny's announcement got me thinking about what's missing from my life, and got me depressed, forcing me to leave earlier than I would have liked. I went home, listened to the Smiths and wrote in my journal about all the guys who ignored, abandoned and rejected me. I met a guy last weekend and had a great time with him, but of course he hasn't called. They never do. I'm trying to figure out how I can learn how to interact with people so they'll want to seek me out to spend time with me, not just hang out when we meet up at the club. The socializing instincts most people are born with and can easily develop are missing in my mind, and it's caused a lot of loneliness and misery. Still, I've managed to meet some great people. I just need to learn more about friendship and relationships.

Is Bound in trouble?

I have received very distressing news about my favorite DC club event, Bound. First, the on-premise SMB v2.0 was postponed due to lack of RSVPs. And now I hear that Bound will no longer be at the R&R Lounge, which is an awesome place in Chinatown and very Metro-accessible, most likely due to lack of attendance that failed to impress the club's owners. To all DC residents looking for a good goth club, go to Bound. Don't let the BDSM elements scare you, there's no pressure to participate. Until Bound gets a new venue, where will I go to satisfy my goth and BDSM cravings? I'd go to Chronos, but I'll have to take a cab home, and the cabs here can never find my place in Takoma without a lot of effort. And Midnight is circling the drain in terms of quality of attendance and music. I just hope the new Bound venue isn't back at Lime or somewhere else in the dark corners of DC, far from the Metro, where sometimes I don't bother taking the trouble to go out that far. If any club owner wants to give Bound a shot, I will do my best to bring up attendance to give this event a permanent home for anyone like me who needs this weekly gathering of cool freaks.

Another Bush official bites the dust

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20459457/?GT1=10252

Alberto Gonzales, the controversial Attorney General, has resigned. "President" Bush just cannot hold on to his cabinet. Even the ever-loyal Karl Rove announced his resignation earlier this month, and now Gonzales, who steadfastly supported Bush's domestic wiretapping program, is leaving the administration amid allegations that he fired US attorneys under suspicious circumstances and that he lied to Congress about the circumstances of the firings. Who will be next in the Bush camp to defect? This is turning into a political version of Survivor: Who will be the last cabinet member standing by Bush's side?
Now to my favorite subject, violent criminals. I saw a show about Richard Speck (Notorious on the Biography Channel, the best show for people like me), who slaughtered eight student nurses in Chicago in one night in 1966. Like many violent offenders, Speck had a troubled childhood, his father died when he was very young, and his stepfather was a violent alcoholic. As a teenager, Speck began a career of petty burglary and was discharged from the merchant marines for erratic behavior. He married while still a teenager, and supposedly beat his wife. At the time of the mass murder of the nurses, Speck was broke and drinking heavily. Was he lashing out at the world that had not been kind to him, like so many mass murderers? But one of the victims was also raped and tortured before being killed, so it was a more personal crime that the blind rage of Charles Whitman and Cho of Virginia Tech. A commentator in the show said that Speck was not a monster, like we want all our criminals to be, but maybe he was "all too human." The thought that a serial killer or a mass murderer is "all too human" is a difficult one. It implies that we as a species are inherently violent, or have the seeds of viciousness in our genetic makeup, as a recent book (that I have yet to read) argues. But under conditions like those faced by Speck, a history of abuse and disappointments, who wouldn't at least think about lashing out? Most of us have better impulse control than to act on these feelings, but I can personally attest that the feelings exist.

Russian serial killer arrested

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20247477/

As if Russians didn't have enough to worry about with its corrupt and possibly homicidal government, the murderer of at least 49 people has just been arrested. Alexander Pichushkin has confessed to over 60 murders, but there is only evidence in 49, which brings him short of Andrei Chikatilo's record of 53 confirmed killings.
Pichushkin's first murder was at 18, when he killed a classmate. The article doesn't say much about his methods, preferred victims or motives, but he says that he feels compelled to kill, that it was a necessity in his life. How this compulsion started, he doesn't say, and there isn't any information available about his past that would shed a light on this. With many serial killers, the drive to kill comes from fantasies that grow more intense, until they feel they have no choice but to act on them. But since fantasies are always perfect, and reality rarely is, the killer is left unfulfilled, and hopes the next time will be better, which leads to a string of murders before the killer is caught.
Pichushkin's bloated sense of importance, in his statement about being responsible for sending his victims "to the next life" as being a "father" to them, is also common among serial killers. Ted Bundy once said he felt like a god as he felt his victims die. He also echoed Pichushkin in his explanation of his motives, "I just liked to kill."
Pichushkin was caught when a videotape showed him with a victim right before she was killed. The victim also had a piece of paper with his name and phone number. Why would a killer give his victim his real name? Did he want to be caught? Was it a lapse in judgement? Or was it Bundy-style arrogance? A court psychiatrist has labeled Pichushkin as sane, and, from a legal standpoint, he probably is. His actions are inconceivable to most of us, but the level of thought and consideration he put into his crimes and his explanation of them indicates a sound, but diseased, mind. He knew exactly what he was doing when he did it, and enjoyed it.

Rove steps down

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/rove_resigning

At least that's the official story. Who knows how much power he will continue to wield unofficially. Some insiders are claiming that the Scooter Libby trial was just a way to cover for Rove, the real leaker of CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. A big show of a trial and conviction, later to be overturned by "President" Bush in a move that outraged his critics, it is a good way to deflect attention and scrutiny from Rove. Rove should have at least five life sentences by now, for all his lying and deceit and backhanded tricks in helping to run the country. Libby might have been a liar and a cheat, but he was nothing compared to "Bush's Brain."
In other government conspiracy news, a great moment in Bolshevik history. I was watching one of my favorite cable shows last night, Infamous Murders on History International, and it mentioned a Bulgarian dissident who was murdered after his broadcasts accusing the communist dictatorship in the country of corruption. The cause of death was poison, and he was murdered in England, which sounds dangerously similar to the recent death of a Russian exile and critic of Putin's regime. And the Bulgarian murder was on the dictator's birthday, like the journalist who was recently murdered on Putin's birthday after criticizing Russian policies and Putin's administration.

Why do I bother?

A guy who I haven't heard from in weeks showed up at Bound last night, telling me all the reasons he hasn't contacted me. He said that he came out because he thought I might be there. If that's true, it's one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. But I have a difficult time believing him. So many people have lied to me throughout my life, especially men, that I have to have a healthy dose of doubt about anything they say. And he says he can't be in a relationship right now. I want to believe him, because I like him and had a good feeling about him, but my history with men, and the other girl I saw him with last night, give me a bad feeling. One of my problems is, I assume that anytime someone says they can't talk to me or see me, it must be my fault. I assume that everyone I meet will hate me, because they'll somehow manage to read my mind and see my various insanities. It's not the best way to live, I know, but I can't help it, not even after years of situating myself in the social sphere, and therapy. I hope this guy's telling the truth, even just to give me a shred of faith in humanity and my future chances of a happy relationship.

Gainesville Ripper thoughts

Here's an unsettling bit of information: tabloid king and Fox News czar Rupert Murdoch has all but taken over the Wall Street Journal. I wonder if this will lead to the reputable publication's decline, as Murdoch's takeover did to the New York Post many years ago.
Late last Saturday night, I tried to get some writing done, but ended up watching an "American Justice" episode about Danny Rolling, the killer who terrorized university students in Florida in the early 1990s. At first, trying to deflect blame from himself, he blamed an alter ego called "Gemini," since he couldn't claim he wasn't guilty. His DNA was all over the crime scenes. In an interview with Rolling shortly before his execution, he says about the DNA test, "The test came back and, bingo," in a cold tone that is frightening to the rest of the world but very common among killers of Rolling's type.
In many ways, Rolling fits the standard profile of a serial killer. He had a rough childhood with a strict police officer father who he says "didn't allow for individuality" and abused him and his brother. He said he started to "walk the streets at night" to get away from his father, because "home was not a safe place," which could have been where he was introduced to his future life of crime. After he was charged with the Florida murders, Rolling was also charged with the attempted murder of his father of many years ago, in which Danny was the prime suspect. Danny Rolling started out with petty burglaries, breaking and entering, and eventually worked his way up to murder. Some psychologists think he chose college students because they symbolized the priviledged life that he, as a high school dropout and career criminal, had thrown away. He tried the military, but didn't last long. A psychiatrist there saw signs of antisocial personality and problems with authority. This brings to mind John Allen Muhammad, the Beltway Sniper, who was court-martialed twice during his time in the military for insubordination. As much as antisocial personalities want the power they feel comes with being in the military or law enforcement, their self-absorption and unwillingness to take the advice or orders of anyone else leads them into trouble in these fields. A prison psychologist diagnosed Rolling with borderline personality disorder, which is primarily characterized by an irrational fear of abandonment. Others who spoke with Rolling in prison say he was obsessed with how he would be remembered, another trait typical of the narcissism of serial killers. For many, a major reason they start killing is to feel the power and get the recognition they feel they deserve, and don't get from their often mundane lives. The psychologist also called Rolling "very immature," and said he had a problem with empathy. Many serial killers, and criminals in general, have limited emotional development. They still have the selfishness and irrational demands of a child, without the concern and awareness of others that most of us develop as we mature.
Authorities first got Rolling for the university murders when he was in jail for another crime, and he confessed to his cellmate, a convicted murderer, who promptly reported the confession to prison officials. When later questioned by the police, Rolling would only make his confession through his cellmate. At his trial, Rolling looked away from grisly photos of the crime scenes, claiming in an interview that he couldn't stand to look at them, and asked himself, "What have you done?" Was this a sign of remorse? According to the prosecutor, who zealously sought the death penalty, Rolling's expressionless face during the trial and the savage nature of his crimes were signs of someone who has no respect or remorse for others. Rolling says he confessed "for his maker" to make amends for what he did, since he knew he would likely die soon. He never showed any other signs of remorse, and as we all know about serial killers, they will readily lie to protect themselves. Rolling is a confusing character, and now that he's dead, we'll never know why he did what he did or how he would feel about it years later.
The more I read about crime and serial killers, the more I oppose the death penalty. On a show I saw about Joel Rifkin, currently serving a life term for 17 murders in the New York area, his interview, however disjointed at times, provided some strong insights into the mind of a killer. We wouldn't have had these insights if Rifkin had been executed. If all serial killers had been executed immediately after their crimes, as some of the more fanatic among the population demand, the pioneering Behavioral Science Unit at the FBI couldn't have conducted their interviews with Edmund Kemper, Charles Manson and many others that led to the development of the modern law enforcement technique of criminal profiling. The prosecutor in Rolling's case, and the anger in the eyes and voices of his victims families, demanding a death sentence based on the brutality of his crimes, did little to dissuade me from my belief that capital punishment is all about revenge.

Crime stories

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ct/20070724/cr_ct/serialkillerontrialforcollegestudentsstabbingdeathin1974;_ylt=AnVWEv_1boVTDM0uOMvY1hFbIwgF

The name Coral Eugene Watts sounds vaguely familiar from the many books I've read about serial killers, but I'm not very familiar with his case. From what I gathered from the article, he's a woman-hating killer in the vein of Ted Bundy, with, according to his latest confession, almost as high a body count. Prosecutors in a 30-year-old murder case that has been tied to Watts are worried that his confession will be prejudicial, establishing him as a violent offender. That he's already in prison on a similar offense should be evidence enough that he has the inclination toward violence. But like I said, I'm not familiar with the case or Watts' history, but I'm intrigued, and will have more when I find out more.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070724/ap_on_re_us/serial_predator;_ylt=AgGfTnUK73WQKCODMaqxyM9bIwgF

A trial is under way for a suspect in the "Baseline" crime spree, but on shaky evidence. Prosecutors have implied they have the defendant's DNA from the body of a rape victim, but the defense disputes this. Also, the two rape victims failed to pick the defendant out of a lineup months ago, and only now identify him as their attacker, exactly the type of inconsistent eyewitness testimony that any good defense attorney enjoys ripping to shreds. The story doesn't say anything about the many other offenses for which the suspect is on trial, only that he has pleaded not guilty to all charges.

I was watching a show about Ed Gein, the inspiration for Psycho, a few nights back. He is one of very few murderers who has successfully pleaded insanity. Under the thumb of his religious fanatic mother, Gein had an isolated existence, dropping out of school at 14 to work on his family's farm. His mother drove away his few friends because she didn't approve of their less devout families, and he spent his life worshipping her, fearing her and loathing her. The two women he killed were middle-aged businesswomen, like his dead mother. The bodies he dug up from the local cemetery were middle-aged women. Gein was a classic necrophile. He killed his victims with a long-range shotgun, and his energies were devoted to desecrating their corpses. As psychologists have suggested, he probably hated his mother on some level for her domineering nature, but due to his fear and childlike idolation of her, he wouldn't admit it, even to himself. Instead, his hatred was taken out on female corpses. Gein was judged incompetent to stand trial, seemingly unaware of his actions and their consequences. At one point during his hearing, a journalist recalls him saying, "What are they going to do to me?" He was kept in a childlike state his entire life, due to his overbearing mother who wouldn't let him out into the world, and after she died, he was left alone with his twisted fantasy life, unaware of how to cope without his mother's guidance. Left on his own, he descended into madness unabated by contact with the real world.

Job status

I went in for my review at the scheduled time, but my boss, being the forgetful person that he is, apparently forgot about it. I still took some time to tell him that I was ready to leave the company. Showing genuine concern for my welfare, which shocked me, he insisted that I stay for another month or so, until I found another job, and submit a formal letter of resignation for that time. So I'll be staying until the end of August, trying to make it through.
This job has been a great opportunity for me as my first real job just out of college, but I just can't do it anymore. All day I read through the muck of people who can barely write, just to send it to a luxury hotel to better improve their kiss-ass service techniques and therefore scam more money off the spoiled rich clients that are the only ones who can afford to stay there. I'm not aiding in anything blatantly unethical, like letting Scooter Libby out of prison or defending corporations in exploiting their workers, but I don't feel right about what the company does. Maybe I'm overreacting. I do that sometimes. But I'll stick around for a while longer, letting my bosses know that I'm not comfortable there and intend to leave as soon as I can.

Fighting back against lame come-ons

It's happened again. Another barely literate guy tries to "compliment" me on MySpace: "had to let u no i love ur pix u got a great bodyn ur to me bad grl look is a big turn on" Had this guy bothered to read my profile, which they barely do, but I can hope, he would have seen that I prefer a guy to be somewhat articulate and interested in what I am interested in before I will talk to him. I've seen text messages more coherent than this email. And he sends yet another message, which reads: "i need to no
Body: do u draw cuz i wanna get another tat n i want a nice bloody goth pic but i no no1 to draw me 1" For the record, "no" and "know" are two very different words.
If anyone has read the great comic strip Pearls Before Swine, there is a zebra character who is constantly foiling his insanely stupid crocodile predators with the simplest logic. My dad told me that the zebra reminds him of me, and I can see parallels between the zebra's battle with the crocodiles and my battle with stupid guys trying to snare me with lame and futile methods. I was walking last weekend, and some guy pulled over in his SUV. Thinking he was going to ask for directions, I stopped. But no, the guy just wanted to tell me I was "very attractive." While nicer than some of what I've gotten over the years, some guy who had no idea who I really was tried to flatter me into his pants solely based on how I look. He probably thought that because he was slightly articulate, I would have responded, but his motives were the same as any catcaller, and I walked by him just as I have with so many others before him. I'm sure I've been classified as a bitch by these guys, but they don't respond to anything but the most obvious rejection. With some guys, if you just make eye contact with them once, they'll think you're interested. So anyone who gets unwanted advances from this type of guy has to be firm, even a little mean, to get the point across. Besides, why should we care what these idiots think about us?

The human thirst for revenge

I was watching a show about the Yosemite Killer today, and a family member of one victim said she just wanted the killer "gone." I took this as a request for the death penalty. In another show I saw about Pedro Lopez, who murdered as many as 200 young women in South America, the families of the victims were all but forming a lynch mob to track him and murder him. Maybe it's because I've never lost a loved one to a violent crime, but all of this is a little unsettling to me. Grief makes people do crazy things, but why should bloodlust be among them? Wasn't the desire to take a human life what caused the problem in the first place? As rational human beings, we should be able to rise above the baser instincts that the rapists and murderers of society let themselves fall prey to. Some advocates of capital punishment say that it's about more than revenge, but with both FBI profiler John Douglas and one of Ted Bundy's would-be victims expressing a desire to "pull the switch," it makes me doubt that it's about anything but revenge. The desire for revenge lives in all of us, but we're a civilized society. Haven't we grown beyond the medieval practice of public hangings? As FBI profiler Robert Ressler says in his book Whoever Fights Monsters, the thousands of dollars spent by the state to execute Ted Bundy to sate the bloodlust of the outraged public could have been put to much better use, such as building crime labs, training law enforcement officials and research.
Onto the personal front. The guy I met a month ago, who I thought could be the love of my life, told me he can't be involved with anyone right now. We still talk, but he said he might not even be in the area much longer, and I feel like the forces of luck have conspired against me yet again. I may have found the perfect man, but I just found him at the wrong time.

Sex crimes in Iraq

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070703/ap_on_re_us/iraq_rape_slaying;_ylt=Ag9MHQvO2VlOwkQF8np.C5BvzwcF

A US soldier accused of raping, murdering and burning the body of a 14-year-old Iraqi girl may finally face his day in court. Though I'm opposed to the Iraq war, I recognize that this type of war crime is not unique to Iraq. Soldiers dating back to the Middle Ages, and likely even earlier, have used combat to cover for more personal crimes, and were sometimes rewarded for their efforts. Goya's classic art series "The Disasters of War," from the 1800s, chronicles countless atrocities committed by soldiers. The motivation of this particular soldier in Iraq is unclear, but it appears to be a mixture of opportunity, a conquering warrior syndrome and a sense of entitlement. He saw a helpless young woman who was a member of an enemy nation and took advantage of her, then burned the evidence and killed the witnesses, the girl's family. The only thing that makes him and the brutality of his crimes different from an ordinary rapist and murderer is his military status, and the enemy status of the victims. If he was a civilian living in the United States, he'd likely be executed for the same actions.
Scooter Libby won't be going to prison, because "President" Bush thinks that a 30-month sentence is too harsh for leaking the identity of a CIA agent, thereby endangering her life. But he claims that with the fine and the "damage" to Libby's reputation, Libby will not get off free. I'm not inclined to trust George W. Bush after what he's done with his presidency, and this feels like cronyism and currying favor among the conservatives he's alienated, as some have suggested. The fact that the CIA agent's husband, a US ambassador, was a vocal critic of Bush's Iraq policy leads to more suspicion of just how aware Bush was of Libby's crimes and how much he allowed to happen. There are rumors that Libby will get a full pardon, and while this won't be the first questionable presidential pardon, from Ford pardoning Nixon to Clinton letting Marc Rich off the hook and Bush Senior absolving Iran-Contra criminals, it will be another black mark on Bush Junior's presidential record.
Personal note: DC's Summer Masquerade Ball is less than two weeks away, and I still don't have an outfit. I'll be using my day off tomorrow to hit the stores in hopes of finding one, and waste time today when I should be working searching online for inspiration. But whatever I end up wearing, I can't wait for SMB. All the years I've gone, I've had an amazing night, and it looks like this year will be bigger and better than ever, with three floors and a rooftop deck, bands, models (including the goddess Julie Simone), fetish carnival games and the usual crew of kick-ass DJs and my good friends. And I might get to bring the latest object of my adoration, one I have high hopes for. I just hope this one doesn't turn out to be one in a long string of disappointments.

Putin's regime throws up a smokescreen

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070702/wl_nm/russia_berezovsky_dc;_ylt=AjcRZnSbP2XIb6GpuR4GJZ10bBAF

A friend of a Russian dissident who was poisoned under mysterious circumstances has been charged by Putin's administration for "plotting to overthrow the government," because of a comment he made in a British newspaper that only force could changed the undemocratic Russian regime. I guess freedom of speech isn't valued in today's Russia any more than it was under Stalin. With Putin and his associates under suspicion for the dissident and former Russian secret service officer's murder, they've charged an emigre with a crime for the sole purpose of distraction, and making the victim look bad through association with a man who they have charged with treason.
On the personal front, I had a great weekend. On Saturday I went to EN, where I got a dose of body paint and had a great time hanging out with Azure and some newcomers, and an impromtu photo shoot with Larry B. On Friday I went to a Bound special event, where I had a second encounter with a guy I met at Bound on my birthday. We had been emailing in the interim, but I really feel something with this guy. He's very hot, which helps, but he's also smart, interesting and sounds like he gets me, which is very rare in people I've met. I had other friends there, but I couldn't stop talking to him. I know my instincts have been wrong before, and I've ended up getting badly hurt because of it, but I'm hoping for something different with this one. Soon I'll either be putting up elated posts about the amazing new guy in my life, or I'll return to my lovelorn state with posts to match.

Another lame pick-up attempt

Bound was amazing last Friday; great bands, good friends (including a few I haven't seen in far too long), a lot of fun. But of course, it had to be spoiled by some loser using one of the worst pick-up lines ever. It wasn't even really a line, just a rambling story from some loser trying to get my attention. He approached me in the bathroom, and asked if he could "tell me a story." I was mildly curious to see where he was going, so I agreed. The parts of what he called a story that I could follow included some friends from Tibet or some other Asian country. When I asked if there was a point to his "story," he said there was, but continued on his apparently aimless path. When I told him I was bored, he said "Enjoy your life" and left. I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean, but at least he left me alone after that. Any guy at Bound who wears baggy jeans and an off-kilter baseball cap like this guy was is going to have a hard time meeting any girl who will pay attention to him, especially with such lame material.
Another thing that pisses me off (yes, it's Monday and I'm in a bad mood): politically, I identify as a liberal, but I hate being categorized through this identification as an overly sensitive member of the PC police, just as I'm sure more socially permissive conservatives resent being lumped in with their more prudish, Bible-thumping counterparts. I have mixed feelings about issues like affirmative action and gun control: does purposely hiring minorities really help them get ahead, or does it just breed more racial strife and the thought that minorities need a helping hand (the same reason I'm on the fence about hate crime legislation)? Maybe there was a time when affirmative action was necessary, but has that time passed? I don't have enough information to be sure. I know banning guns won't stop crime, and people who really want guns will always find a way to get them, legally or illegally. I don't agree with Newt Gingrich's recent assertion that more guns would have stopped the Virginia Tech massacre, and how did such a mentally unstable young man get guns anyway? The shooting was entirely his fault, not the guns, but weapons should be kept out of the hands of people so clearly disturbed. As a blogger friend said about gun-crazy Gingrich, you don't see crimes like Virginia Tech in countries like Sweden or Japan, where gun laws are much stricter. Not everyone who buys a gun uses it for such nefarious purposes, and I'm not about to stop people from hunting, even though I find things like game hunting, with no clear purpose except sport, morally reprehensible. I wouldn't support banning gun ownership altogether, but not only do I find the idea of stockpiling assault weapons in one's home a frightening concept, I don't really see the point. When is an ordinary person going to use an assault weapon? But Americans love guns, something the rest of the world doesn't understand, and some might buy assault weapons just because they can. Heavily armed households frighten me, as does the concept of unfettered capitalism, another American conservative treasured tenet. Corporations, not exactly known for ethical behavior, being given free reign is disturbing. And I don't mind paying taxes, even if a good deal of the money is currently going to abstinence-based sex education and a dead-end war.

Reality to Vatican: Are you listening?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20070613/lf_afp/religionvaticanamnesty;_ylt=AmXEPN58baCDWIw4J0qPxwE7Xs8F

The Vatican hates abortion. That has been made abundantly clear. Now they're advocating that their millions of followers withdraw support from Amnesty International, who they claim have been swayed by the evil forces of the pro-choice movement. Actually, Amnesty International doesn't have a public position on this issue, but they do support the fair treatment and safe harboring of women who have had abortions, and the health interests of women, which, to the misogynistic Vatican's dismay, may include a woman's right to have an abortion if she so chooses. So the Catholic Church's problem with Amnesty International isn't so much that they support abortion, but that they don't preach the evils of abortion like Catholic officials do at every opportunity. Some Catholic charities do good work, but I'm always wary of religious groups going to third world countries offering relief. The people in these countries are rarely Christian, and we know how some religious types love to spread their faith, especially in exchange for good deeds. The late Pope John Paul II, for his part, was a vocal opponent of capital punishment and the Iraq war, but he also called the right to choose "the culture of death" and opposed changing church doctrine in any way, even in recognition of women's rights and the changing world. Vatican officials also oppose UNICEF's practice of giving post-conception spermicides to women who have been raped. Terrible, right? Giving aid to traumatized women is unthinkable in Vatican doctrine if it leads to the termination of a pregnancy. Catholics in Los Angeles, in the midst of priests in its diocese finally going on trial for abusing children, are worried that their Hispanic population is going to evangelical churches. Just another organization trying to hold onto its followers, all while preaching a doctrine straight out of the Middle Ages. And my parents wonder why I want nothing to do with this institution.

Birthday weekend is over

I had a great weekend. Bound on Friday, Entre Nous on Saturday, and lots of booze and friends. Todd helped mix me a special drink on Friday, and Azure kept me loaded with champagne shots on Saturday. And on Saturday, I actually saw a guy for a second time when he picked me up at EN. I'm still figuring out if I really like this guy or not, and I met a guy at Bound who I liked but have yet to call. A special thanks to the DJs at Bound and EN for keeping me dancing; Solaris, London and Ms. Panic (aka Erin) at Bound and KC and Larry B. at EN. I think 25 will be a good year.
With another year of my life behind me, I've decided to make a few changes. The first is, I need to get a new job. My current job pays well, and I generally like the people I work with, but the work itself is tedious, shallow and gives me very little satisfaction. That's probably true about almost any regular office job, but I think it's time to move on. I've applied to a couple new publishing positions, and with more experience on my resume, hopefully I'll have more luck getting the jobs I really want, rather than settling for cleaning up corporate bullshit like I do now.

Fake cop arrested

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070605/ap_on_re_us/fake_arrests;_ylt=AgcKHzcWIqaLjFZRZ57KLwdbIwgF

A man posing as a cop in order to rape women and steal money has been arrested in New York. The story reminded me of the stories of many serial killers who had aspired to be police officers. John Douglas, pioneering FBI criminal profiler, offered an explanation that made a lot of sense. These men want power, power over their victims, over life and death. A police officer, as the imposter in New York illustrates, symbolizes power and is authorized to be violent if the situation calls for it. So it's no wonder that Ted Bundy, Edmund Kemper, Wayne Williams (who, prior to his arrest in the Atlanta Child Murders, had been charged with impersonating a police officer) and Gerald Schaeffer, a former deputy sheriff in Florida who used his position to kidnap and murder several young women, wanted to become members of law enforcement, although they all ended up on the other end of the law and order chase.
In other crime news, Scooter Libby, former aide to Satan (aka Dick Cheney), has been sentenced to 30 months in prison. Any chance he'll serve his entire sentence? And, what will happen to a guy nicknamed Scooter in prison? Also, six foreign men have been charged with a plot to murder US military personnel. Why would they want to turn soldiers into martyrs, and give the US government more ammunition for their paranoid mindset that the rest of the world is out to destroy America? But I guess militants aren't exactly known for logic and common sense.
I recently found out that Vladimir Putin, Russia's current leader, was once a KGB officer, a member of an elite government-leased intimidation squad. With his opponents turning up dead one by one, and his shady past, it makes me wonder. And with his vow to block a planned missle defense shield supported by "President" Bush, US relations with Russia could start cooling again. Whether it cools to the point of another Cold War remains to be seen, and if US military officials and other supporters of the missle defense plan turn up on Putin's hit list.
My birthday celebration kicked off at Chronos last night, but I had to leave early because I started to get tired, and because I had to work today. I had a good time while I was there though: great music (thanks to the DJ who played Leonard Cohen's "The Future"), lots of freaks, and the goddess Bebe, who let me share her birthday party, even though, as expected, she was the star of the night. The one downside, besides having to leave early: some bleach-blond, eyeliner-smeared guy kept trying to come up to me. He approached me once with his arms stretched out, like I was someone he knew, and when I recoiled, he looked surprised. He probably thought I looked like I wasn't having a good time, and decided to take it upon himself to "cheer me up." First of all, it's a goth club, I shouldn't feel out of place for not smiling. Second, I had no idea who this guy was, and a total stranger reaching his arms out to me and standing in front of me waiting for me to respond like I was his best friend is just strange, even for Chronos. On my way out, I heard something amusing. A Five staff member was standing outside talking to someone, who asked "What's it like in there?" The staff member, with a note of disbelief, said, "Like Halloween." That's exactly how we like it. How often in this world do we get to dress up and express ourselves in any way we want? It makes me think of a Twilight Zone-esque alternate universe: Who are the real freaks here?

Middletown

The AFI Silver Theater in Silver Spring is currently holding, among other events, a Northern Ireland film festival, and yesterday I saw a movie called Middletown. It's the story of a fanatic preacher who comes back to his desolate hometown to rid it of perceived "sin," only to alienate his family, who owns the local pub, in the process. The scariest thing about this preacher, and many other "men of God," is the sense of entitlement he feels, because as a child, the local preacher told him he was "chosen by God" to carry out divine purpose on earth. Even as his family's pub is going under, due in part to his sermons, he doesn't reach out to them, but instead continues his preaching against sin, and when he decides to rid his church home of "decadent" material wealth, he burns it instead of giving it to the many needy citizens of the town, including his brother, whose wife is pregant, and lives in a cramped trailer. Another startling element in the preacher's character is how unhappy he is. He never seems to get any joy out of what he does and isolates himself from the community except on Sundays, but is blindly in the service of an invisible boss. Fanatics who live their life solely for the purpose of buying a spot in heaven after death are rarely happy, and how could they be when they've devoted their present life to the afterlife.
On the personal front, I went out for some pre-birthday partying this past weekend, and had a great time, even though I ran into my two asshole exes. I was pleased with myself at how quickly I forgot them. Also, there's another potential guy in my life, who I met at Bound two weeks ago and saw again when he picked me up at EN last Saturday. Who knows how this one will turn out, and even when a guy says he likes me, from my experience, that's no guarantee that he won't screw me over somewhere down the line. He said he'd be at Bound this Friday for my birthday, and if he doesn't show up, I'll still have my friends to celebrate with me. I'm looking forward to this weekend, and just have to get through the work week.

My lost weekend

I had a fun, crazy, intoxicated weekend. On Friday I checked out Bound at its new venue in Chinatown, a much better neighborhood and more Metro-accessible than Lime in Southwest. The new place has a great deconstructed underground look, and the bar staff is much better than at Lime. It's a bit on the small side, but compared to all the good points, I would much rather stay there then go back to Lime. I saw all my good friends, had a few too many drinks, enjoyed my friend Cat's performance on top of the bar. She was dressed like a 60s gogo dancer, which made it even better. I saw one of the bartenders lean down to look up her dress. And I met a DC cop and got his number. Yes, after years of fantasizing, I finally hooked up with a cop. Then on Saturday, I went to Entre Nous, where I saw even more friends, got drunk again (the Jello shot Angelo gave me was the beginning of the end) and just generally had a good time. On my way home, I text messaged the cop I met just the night before, unaware in my intoxicated state that he would have no idea who I was. Yesterday, I got a puzzled phone call from him, and after I explained, he remembered who I was. But I was scared to call him at first. I always am. I've collected a few guys' phone numbers and have never called them, because I'm afraid. Afraid of what to say, afraid they won't remember me or they will remember me and not want to talk to me. After doing something as stupid as drunkenly texting someone I had just met, I had yet another hurdle to climb over if I called this guy. But after he called, he just laughed it off after I explained it. This has happened before, I do something I think is so stupid that it will turn someone off of me forever, and they just laugh about it and forget it. But I still get scared if I have to call someone for the first time. I hope this gets easier, and it has over the past few years, but there are still some walls I have to get over.
I spent most of yesterday trying to get my mind cleared and get back on my feet. I try not to overdo it with drinking, but this past weekend I had a hard time knowing when to stop. It was my lost weekend, but luckily I still remember parts of it, like a new guy and Cat on the bar. I'll be in Boston for most of Memorial Day weekend, but I'll be back out soon, definitely in two weeks when I celebrate my 25th birthday with a three-night party weekend. I hope to see all my friends out to celebrate with me.