Sunday, November 26, 2006

Another asshole to add to the list

Last night, I ran into a guy I had gone out with twice, but never heard back from. And yes, he had found a girlfriend. At least this one told me to my face, unlike the last one, when I had to find out from secondhand sources. And he thought my name was Katie. I wasn't crazy about this guy, and I'm not exactly heartbroken over this, but it pisses me off that after going out twice, and spending the night at his house, that he didn't remember my name. Where the hell did he get Katie?
But the major thing I take away from this experience, another in a long line of similar experiences, is that I can never get any guy to stick around for more than one night or a few months. I wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me, if there's something about me that says "One-night stand, not relationship material." I know I don't talk much, but most guys don't even try to get me to come out of my shell. I see everyone around me falling in love and pairing up while I'm left alone, and though I'm happy for my friends, I feel a tinge of jealousy and sadness when another one pairs off. Will I ever find anyone? I have great friends to help me through this, but after last night I wonder if I'll ever hold onto anyone longer than one night, if I'll forever be the casual sex girl that guys go to when they can't find the girl of their dreams. Will I ever be the girl of their dreams, the one they give up all other girls for, the one they want to share their lives with? I know I'm young, but I've never been anyone's girlfriend, just a friend or a fuck buddy. That was fine for a while, and I'm not looking to get married and settle down just yet, but I'd like a sign that it might happen someday, and I haven't gotten any sign like that yet.

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