Retirement, gangland style

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061230/ap_on_re_us/mafia_old_man

In the Mafia, you're not allowed to retire. You're in until you're dead, as this 96-year-old recently arrested mobster proves. At an age where he's lucky to be alive, he was still out making threats and running rackets. I'm sure he had the assistance of younger thugs, but still, you've got to hand it to the guy. No one ever raged against the dying of the light quite like this. Through his life experience, he is a living time capsule of the American Mafia. He was a boy during the alleged 1919 World Series fix engineered by Arnold Rothstein (the architect of modern organized crime), was middle-aged during the heyday of the mob in the 40s and 50s, and was an aging gangster in the 90s when John Gotti was taken down. Like many his age, he retreated to Florida, as Myer Lansky did when he grew older (there's a great photo in the book "Tough Jews" of an older Lansky walking his dog), but his retirement was not what it was for the rest of the senior citizens in Florida. It involved all of his old gangland activities, with no accomodations made for his old age. The Feds finally got him, but he might not make it to trial.
After a quiet holiday, I'm coming back out this weekend. Tomorrow night I'll be at Entre Nous to help Sharon celebrate her birthday. I'm sure Larry B. will play some 80s metal for us to celebrate properly. On New Year's Eve, I'll be at Bound and Entre Nous' joint bash. With my usual date currently out of commission, it looks like I'll be on my own. I might be running into an ex (the one who thought my name was Katie the last time I saw him), but I'll have plenty of friends to keep me occupied, even if some of them, like Dolphy, Angie and Jennifer, won't be there. Will anyone be there to kiss me at midnight?
On a positive note, I've been writing. I actually spent a good part of today writing, and not just blogging. I also found a writing group, and got some very helpful comments from them on a story I've been working on. Smart creative people are so hard to find, and I found a group of them. Sometimes the forces of luck smile on me. Not in the field of love, but in other ways.

Ipswich and Atlantic City under attack

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15835101/

With a suspect in the Ipswich Ripper case caught, here on American soil, another killer has claimed four women (the article doesn't make it clear if they were prostitutes or not, but it was Atlantic City). A recent autopsy revealed that at least one of the victims was strangled. All four bodies were found lined up behind the same motel, which could indicate a disorganized offender (the dumping ground was convenient) or a connection to that specific spot. The article points out that all the bodies were facing east, which almost sounds ritualistic. So far, there are no suspects in the Atlantic City case, but we can probably expect him to be similar to the Ipswich suspect; a loner who has had problems with women. But that could also describe many men who don't become serial killers. Dennis Rader, arrested a few years ago as Kansas' BTK killer, referred to a "factor X" that made him kill, that he could not define. Even if Rader was just looking for a justification for his crimes, he raises a valid point. What is that one factor, that one trigger, that turns an unfortunate but common event, like a divorce, or an all too common torment like child abuse into a thirst for blood and vengeance in a select few? Many criminologists indicate that it is not only genetics or only upbringing that turns someone into a killer, but a still unknown combination of the two, possibly along with an undetermined "factor X."

Ipswich Ripper suspect

http://www.sundaymirror.co.uk/news/tm_headline=ripper-hunt%2D-the-suspect%26method=full%26objectid=18275623%26siteid=62484-name_page.html

Suffolk police made an arrest in the Ipswich Ripper (or Suffolk Strangler) case. But the police shouldn't jump to conclusions yet (I have three words for them: John Mark Karr). The suspect is a 30-something loner who turned to prostitutes after his marriage fell apart. From a general sex-crimes profile aspect, he looks like the perfect suspect, but in the interview, he sounds like he had something of an affection for the prostitutes he patronized. That he knew some of the victims is an obvious red flag, but it seems unusual for a killer to advertise his relation to his victims. Killers of this type don't usually go after victims that can be easily traced to them, although I remember reading about one killer who only murdered his female acquaintances, and he was quickly caught. Still, a broken marriage could be seen as a trigger for a man who had a long festering desire to harm women. The suspect sounds confident that he won't be formally charged, and maybe new evidence will be revealed that clears him. But, like he says, he doesn't have a solid alibi for the disappearances of the victims. Recently, a sixth prostitute in the area went missing, and, as far as I know, hasn't turned up yet, dead or alive.

Slow torture before the holidays

I would love to go to Bound tonight, but I don't think I'll make it. My boss is out of the office today, so I can get away with not working, but after work I have to go to a stupid driver's ed class, because apparently I have to have a license to get by in the world (that's the impression I get anyway). I've had to spend three hours in a cramped classroom surrounded by idiot teenagers, with the worst teacher I've ever had to suffer. He constantly goes off topic, is easily distracted by stupid things, and seems to think he's actually worthy of respect. I hate when dumb people think they're smart. And on top of that, he's from the Phillippines, and his English isn't great. Yet he doesn't seem to understand that the reason so many people in the class have to ask questions is because they can't understand his fractured English. Imagine the worst, least focused and qualified teacher you've ever had, and combine it with MVA bureaucracy, and that's what I'll have to put up with until the end of next week. But don't feel too sorry for me, I'll make it if I stifle the urge to punch my teacher in the face. Maybe I should go to Bound tonight, of course I'd get there at 11 at the absolute earliest, to work out all this frustration through dancing and maybe a good flogging. I will definitely be at Entre Nous this Saturday, so you will see me out soon.

Another Ripper in England

This one's actually strangling his victims, but the same principle applies: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16171063/
This article provides little information about the killer's methods (dubbed the "Suffolk Strangler"), except that he's murdering prostitutes, just like two other infamous UK murderers: the still-unidentified Jack the Ripper (sorry Patricial Cornwall, not buying it) and Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe, who terrorized Northern England in the late 1970s while maintaining the cover of a devoted husband and father.
That the UK police are publicizing and devoting such resources to solving the murders of prostitutes is surprising. As many serial killers and violent offenders know, law enforcement officials are reluctant to investigate the murders of "undesireables" like prostitutes or poor minorities. The reason these killers target prostitutes is not ethical, though Sutcliffe claimed he was on a mission from God, but opportunistic. These killers hate women, all women, and prostitutes are the most available victims. Their work depends on going off with strange men, and likely, police won't pay too much attention if they turn up dead. America's most prolific serial killer, Gary Leon Ridgeway (the "Green River Killer") was loose for almost 20 years, during which time he murdered roughly 50 women, most of whom were prostitutes from an infamous stretch of highway in the Pacific Northwest.
Five women have already died at the hands of the Suffolk Strangler, Jack the Ripper's total body count. And if this killer is anything like others of his breed (I'm assuming the killer is a man), he won't stop killing until he's caught. And you can expect me to keep track of this case, as I have previously with the John Mark Karr/JonBenet debacle and the Amish school shooting.

Random thoughts

Check out this link. I thought it was hilarious: http://www.bushorchimp.com/ Considering that Bush was at one point pushing to get "Intelligent Design" taught in public school science classes, he himself is definitive proof of evolution, as you'll see.
On an entirely different shallow topic, there are so few celebrities for me to lust after. My guy crush used to be Russell Crowe, but then he lost his edge by getting married and appearing in one too many Ron Howard movies. Not that I don't still dig out my DVDs of LA Confidential and Romper Stomper once in a while. My former girl crush, Scarlett Johansson, who I fell for the moment she appeared on screen in Lost in Translation, has been a bit overexposed of late, and, while I still think she's a cut above the Jessica Simpsons of the world in terms of intellect, sometimes in her interviews she comes off as trying too hard. Still, when she was on the cover of Esquire, I spent considerably more time staring at the magazine rack, and there will always be a special place in my heart and pants for Russell and Scarlett. But things change, and crushes get stale. For guys, I always have Prison Break (but not until January 22, thanks again FOX); Wentworth Miller, Dominic Purcell, and William Fichtner (if Mahone comes back from his gunshot wound), all very hot in different ways, especially in their roles as fugitives or rogue FBI agents. I don't have a boyfriend, and these men on Monday nights are my substitute for the moment, even if William Fichtner is old enough to be my father. So is Viggo Mortenson (who I recently discovered was born in 1958, the same year as my father), but that doesn't stop me from watching the Lord of the Rings and A History of Violence alone with my hand straying down my pants. I saw Albino Alligator last night, and while I didn't care for the movie itself (Kevin Spacey should stick to acting), it was great to see William Fichtner and Viggo Mortenson in the same movie. As for girls, it's tougher, with Paris Hilton and the aforementioned Jessica Simpson being passed off as sex symbols. Two come to mind though, Jessica Alba and Salma Hayek. They're sexy, not stupid, and look like they eat once in a while (just like my Scarlett), which is so rare these days.
I have absolutely no desire to work any more today. My arms are actually starting to cramp from working the mouse and keyboard all day. And because of work, it looks like I won't have the energy to go to Bound tomorrow night. But on Saturday, I will likely be at Mistress Purgatori's Saints and Sinners Show, if the scheduling gods smile on me. It should be a fun fetish-filled evening, and it's for a good cause (the Center for Missing and Exploited Children), so check out the Mistress' MySpace page for the details if you're in the area.

More trouble in Russia

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6159343.stm

One day after a former spy died from poisoning, a former prime minister is in the hospital with "suspicious symptoms." The former PM has criticized current president Vladimir Putin's policies, but his public influence is currently minor at best. He was a leading in figure in post-Soviet economic reform, lifting price restrictions and privatizing, in other words, making Russia like capitalist America. And now he might have been poisoned. Is Putin murdering his enemies, as many leaders before him have? I'm not familiar with the current Russian political structure, so I'm not sure how much absolute power Puting has, how much he can get away with. But this all looks very suspicious, especially after a journalist who vocally criticized Putin was also murdered a few months ago.
I recently read a quote by a right-wing nut (I don't remember the name) that Hollywood refuses to make movies about Soviet Russia because of the movie industry's deep-seated Communist sympathies. Considering that Hollywood is one of the most capitalistic industries in the US, and a perfect example of financial excess, I doubt very much that this is true. Also, this person clearly hasn't seen Citizen X, an HBO movie from ten years ago. It's about the hunt for Soviet-era Russian serial killer Andrei Chikatilo, and how the search was hampered by Soviet bureaucracy. It was a mandate of communism, and it's quoted in the movie, that serial killers are a product of "decadent" capitalism, and therefore cannot exist in a communist state. But as the mounting body count proves, this assertion is wrong. With the refusal of the government to acknowledge that the killer exists, and the fact that Chikatilo, an initial suspect, is released because he is a high-ranking party member, Chikatilo is allowed to kill more than 50 victims, most of them younger than 17. It's not until the Soviet system is overturned that the police finally get the resources they need to track the killer. In its illustration of how party rhetoric allowed a savage serial killer to go free, and its bleak portrayal of day-to-day Soviet life (including the government's persecution of homosexuals), Citizen X is a perfect argument against Soviet communism. But as displayed in recent murders and suspect events, the fall of communism hasn't made Russia any safer.

Mythological creatures

Another asshole to add to the list

Last night, I ran into a guy I had gone out with twice, but never heard back from. And yes, he had found a girlfriend. At least this one told me to my face, unlike the last one, when I had to find out from secondhand sources. And he thought my name was Katie. I wasn't crazy about this guy, and I'm not exactly heartbroken over this, but it pisses me off that after going out twice, and spending the night at his house, that he didn't remember my name. Where the hell did he get Katie?
But the major thing I take away from this experience, another in a long line of similar experiences, is that I can never get any guy to stick around for more than one night or a few months. I wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me, if there's something about me that says "One-night stand, not relationship material." I know I don't talk much, but most guys don't even try to get me to come out of my shell. I see everyone around me falling in love and pairing up while I'm left alone, and though I'm happy for my friends, I feel a tinge of jealousy and sadness when another one pairs off. Will I ever find anyone? I have great friends to help me through this, but after last night I wonder if I'll ever hold onto anyone longer than one night, if I'll forever be the casual sex girl that guys go to when they can't find the girl of their dreams. Will I ever be the girl of their dreams, the one they give up all other girls for, the one they want to share their lives with? I know I'm young, but I've never been anyone's girlfriend, just a friend or a fuck buddy. That was fine for a while, and I'm not looking to get married and settle down just yet, but I'd like a sign that it might happen someday, and I haven't gotten any sign like that yet.

Terrorism in the Roman Empire?

Of course, terrorism is as old as belief clashes and humanity itself, but according to an apocalyptic scholar (I didn't know they gave degrees in that field) interviewed in last night's "Secrets of the Dead" on PBS, about the fire of 64 AD in Rome, the fire was the act of early Christians, trying to topple the "decadent" Roman empire. Sound familiar? This German scholar went on to say that the fabled "Whore of Babylon" in the book of Revelation was a metaphor for Rome, the city of the seven hills. Like the Muslim jihadists of our era, these early Christians, disgusted with what they perceived as immorality in the Roman Empire's ruling class (granted, they wouldn't be wrong), spurred on by prophecy, decided to burn the city, the epicenter of the empire that persecuted them and they viewed as decadent. Nero, the emperor at the time of the fire, was accused by history of scapegoating the Christians for the fire, possibly to cover up his own involvement, but according to this latest conspiracy theory, he was just meting out typically gruesome Roman justice. Nero's punishment for the Christians for starting the fire? Tying them to stakes and setting them on fire, to be used as human torches for an extravagent party at his new palace, built on the charred remains of old Rome.
Nero's new palace led to the first conspiracy theory about the fire, that Nero or men acting on his orders started the fire for the sole purpose of smoking out the senators and other Rome illuminaries standing in the way of construction of his new palace. Roman historian Tacitus added to this theory, recording that men with torches were seen amid the flames, saying they were acting on orders. Over time, this theory has been given little more credibility than the current 9/11 conspiracy theory that the Bush administration orchestrated the attacks themselves. Yes, a lot about the official account of 9/11 doesn't add up, and America-hating Muslim terrorists would have been the perfect scapegoat, but many consider it a strectch to suggest that even Bush and his league of evil could plan and execute something like this. Even I, with my sometimes irrational hatred of this administration, have trouble believing it. Muslim terrorists who hate America and are willing to kill themselves in the fight against what they view as an evil empire do exist. Whether this justifies Bush's current foreign "policy" is the subject for another post. Yes, Nero was an egomaniac (like many others in his position as the absolute ruler of a powerful empire) who had no problem destroying those who stood in his way. But if the fire was arson designed to level prime real estate in Rome for a new palace, why does evidence indicate that the fire started in the slums, populated by the poor who adored Nero's spectacle? Conspiracy theorists always said that the fire couldn't have spread naturally, but a fire expert interviewed in last night's show indicated through a demonstration that it could have, and an archaeologist showed remains of supposedly strong buildings destroyed in the fire. In the pre-electric days of ancient Rome, open flames were the only source of light and heat, and in the wooden shelters of the poor, the fire could have easily spread. Like the Chicago fire, the fire of Rome was most likely an unfortunate accident, which Nero used to his advantage.
But what about the prophecy, and the men with torches? Records from this time are hardly airtight, and the fire expert in last night's show provided a more plausible theory. When a fire starts, or any other vandalism, such as the LA Riots, many spectators get involved just for the sake of mindless destruction. The Christians, seeing the city they loathed go up in flames, might have added to the fire as an act of revenge. But the so-called "evidence" that they started the fire themselves is in religious prophecy and the actions of an arrogant emperor who needed a scapegoat to satisfy the populus, at least a few of whom thought he was involved. In the last two thousand years, fanatic Christians have proven themselves capable of unimaginable destruction and bloodshed, but I can't see that, given more plausible evidence and theories, they can claim credit for the fire that destroyed Rome. But, as the show pointed out, we'll probably never know what happened on July 19, 64 AD.

Pathetic men on both sides

As you know, I have received countless messages from guys desperate to get laid, and many of my friends have as well, including other guys. One male friend told me someone wrote to him on MySpace telling him that my friend looked like he did when he was younger, and asked him to help "relive the memories" or something stupid like that. And, here's the worst part, the guy was married. I didn't think guys like that could ever get laid. This asshole can get married, but I can't hold on to a guy for more than a few months. I've met a few (straight) guys who think gay guys are all out to harass straight guys, that they're nothing but walking hormones trying to get laid and preying on whoever walks by. First of all, that is not true of all gay guys. Second of all, the ones that do harass you with lame "compliments" are not doing it and refusing to back down because they're gay, they're doing it because they're men. And, being a guy, you're not used to the lame attempts some guys use on whoever they want to get in their pants. When a gay guy hits on you, you're experiencing what women have to put up with constantly. Gay or straight, the stupider of the breed is prone to this behavior. As another (female) friend told me on this topic, these guys need help. She got a message calling her "HOOT" and she joked whether it meant hot or hoot. That's another thing about most of these guys. They can't type or spell, relying on phrases like "holla back" or the now generic "hey sexy." Yet another female friend commented on this abuse of the English language, asking if the less educated these guys sound, do they think that will make us like them more? At the very least, these guys, though it's sad that they exist, are good for a laugh.
I've been feeling a bit depressed and lethargic lately, and I likely won't return with more serious posts until after this passes.

My passions of life

I found this quote from Bertrand Russell, and feel that it applies very well to me and the passions in my life: "Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind...this has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered."
Those who know me and read my post know all too well how powerful the pursuit of love is in my life, and I love to read and learn new things about the world. And last of all, most of the news of the world is so overwhelmingly bad and upsetting that I often can't bring myself to read it, even though I should to contribute to my knowledge.
I think all of us want to love, learn, and we all feel for others to a certain degree, some more than others. Too much empathy can be a bad thing, but I'd rather have too much than too little or none at all.

My political profile

I got this from my friend John's MySpace profile, and while I'm not sure I entirely agree, I guess it's fairly accurate:

You are a Social Liberal (80% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (16% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Rumsfeld steps down

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/rumsfeld_resigns

But we shouldn't start celebrating yet. His successor is a "close friend of the Bush family." After an Election Day that saw Republicans losing ground in the House and Senate, the Bush faithful are dealt another blow. Senator Bill Frist, a member of Bush's inner circle (who once said that HIV can be transmitted through tears and sweat), now says Democrats and Republicans need to work together for success in Iraq. I think that ship has sailed and crashed on the shore, with more and more deaths reported every day, no exit strategy, and no end in sight for the Iraqi insurgency. Considering that the administration couldn't even determine a cause for invading; first it was to find WMDs, then Saddam Hussein's alleged, and still unproven, Al-Qaeda connection, then to "liberate" the people from Hussein. They weren't counting on Hussein still having supporters, and that they would be as violent and ruthless as the now deposed dictator himself. I know most in Iraq were happy to be rid of Saddam, much like the rest of the world. But you don't rise to power without at least a few supporters willing to do whatever it takes to instill loyalty in the masses. However noble the cause of deposing a cruel dictator, this war, spearheaded by Rumsfeld, was poorly planned on a shaky foundation, and the administration, politicians, and, most of all, US troops and Iraqi civilians, are feeling the dire consequences.

Victory for O'Malley and Cardin

No more Ehrlich. How long did he expect to last in the Democratic legislature of Maryland anyway? Although Republican rag The Washington Times declared that absentee ballots might turn the tide for Ehrlich and his former lieutenant governor Steele. Let's hope not. The Virginia senate race between Allen and Webb is still too close to call. But Democrats are regaining control of the House and Senate, due to dissatisfaction with Iraq strategy and "President" Bush and his league of evil in general. I don't know about anyone else, but Dick Cheney still scares the shit out of me. "And if you flunk out of that school, you're going straight into the army where you'll be sent to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea, Iran, anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in charge."-Homer Simpson
For all my complaining about lame messages from desperate guys, I thought I'd share one that actually made me want to get to know the person sending it. The typing is still terrible, but at least the content is more than "your hot" or "nice rack": "i'm not looking to 'get laid' or any stupid crap by asking to be a friend, just like the association with other intelligent people such as yourself. Please consider it. Creativity and a like mindset can go along way." This guy has obviously read my complaints about other guys, which means he read my profile and didn't just look at the pictures. I had gotten a previous message from the same guy, and he made it clear that he thought we had some things to talk about. I guess it's not all bad out there. And, to any guys attempting to get my attention, this is how to do it, not with some stupid two-word comment about my "rack."

The lame come-ons never cease

I received even more predictable, uninspired messages over the weekend. I was going to post them yesterday, but got caught up in my slice of election coverage (which would have been more appropriate for today, but oh well).
Anyway, here goes.
The first one actually isn't too bad: "hi my name is..., 24 black male looking for a chick to hang out with you, you look nice holla back" A bit nicer than I'm used to, despite the terrible grammar and syntax, but he ended with "gtown in the building" Call me a snob, but I have very little desire to get involved with people who talk like that. His profile wasn't all that appealing either (another "girl collector").
But the next two are examples of the lame, stupid, juvenile messages I get way too often.
"i just want to see those hot titties!!"
"nice rack!!" Just a note, that was the entire message. Two words. Two boring predictable words. Really, what was that supposed to accomplish? I am not inclined to respond to messages that sound like catcalls. It tells me nothing about the guy sending it, other than that he likes my breasts, and, not to sound conceited, because I've heard it a lot, who doesn't? But if I ignore the catcalls on the street, I'm going to ignore similarly phrased emails.

I will be voting after work, and hope everyone votes today. It's up to us to take the first step in flushing out the crap of our government.

Midterm elections: down to the wire

Election Day is tomorrow. After that, for a whole year, no more negative campaign ads, no more "flier people" standing outside Metro stations stumping for their candidates. We will have fulfilled our duty as citizens, and free for the next year to live out our lives with the consequences of our choices.
Living in Montgomery County, MD, the biggest races in my area are for Governor and Senate. All I know here is that the Republican candidates, Ehrlich for governor and his former lieutenant governor Michael Steele for Senate, pretend to support "the people" while supporting pro-corporate legislation. Ehrlich, for example, supported amnesty for corporations, refused to raise the minimum wage, and cut spending for colleges, all while trumping his "working class" background in Arbutus in his ads. Steele's ads were all flash and no substance (even very little of the negative kind), and has some supporters trying to turn the election into a race issue, even getting the Democratic officials of Prince George's County on his side. Ben Cardin, his opponent, voted against the war in Iraq, which, in this time of growing impatience with the President's war effort, is a major selling point for him. In a televised debate (the term is used loosely, the two candidates were not in the same room), Ehrlich's opponent, Martin O'Malley, was clear, succinct, and articulate in his final statement (that's all I saw, so maybe I can't claim a well-rounded view of the debate), outlining his major points, education, crime, and state spending.
Maryland, with mountains in the west, shore on the east, and a big city in the middle, has been called "America in Miniature." A few years ago, that was also true of the state's politics. While President Clinton was contending with the consequences of infidelity (which, in my opinion, should never have been public knowledge in the first place), Maryland's then-governor, Parris Glendening, was having a similar problem. I don't have all the details of the story, but he cheated on his wife, and this caused some more conservative residents and delegates to cry for his removal. When the next election rolled around, Glendening's lieutenant governor ran an ineffective campaign, and, like Vice President Al Gore, was tainted by her former boss's indiscretions. This left the stage clear for Republican Bob Ehrlich to take office. Ehrlich, like George W. Bush, is pro-business and pro-rich, cutting taxes and education spending, while putting on a mask of being "of the people" that runs contrary to their policies and own priviledged backgrounds.
In my family, the animosity toward Ehrlich takes on a more personal tone than our animosity toward Bush. Many years ago, my mother worked at the same law firm as Ehrlich, then an associate attorney. After four years in Columbus Ohio (which I don't recommend), my mother returned to Maryland to discover that the man she hated at her old law firm was now the governor. She knows first-hand his phoniness, how he claims to be "working class," but, she says, "He went to more private schools than Bush." A bit of gossip from my mother and Ehrlich's old firm: according to the other associates' wives, Ehrlich's wife is a total bitch.
There ends my Election Day special. I should probably get back to work.

Bush goes existential

Well, sort of. Recently, "President" Bush claimed he had been reading the works of existentialist and French Resistance leader Albert Camus. This is a very amusing concept for several reasons, the least of which is that the allegorical, philosophical writing of Camus would appear to be over Bush's head. As an ardent admirer of Camus, and an ardent detractor of Bush, there are many other reasons to be at least amused by the concept of Bush reading Camus.
One: Camus, unlike "Jesusland" president Bush, who is attempting to tear down the wall between church and state by funding "faith-based" programs and church-sponsored abstinence education, was an atheist. The Stranger concludes with the imprisoned protagonist confronting a priest and proudly declaring his lack of belief. "The Missionary," one of Camus' finest short stories, involves the title character's mission being turned on its head, with him converted to the pagan idolotry of the primitive tribe he was meant to convert to Christianity. His fanaticism is transferred to the idol in a satire of the nature of faith.
Two: I wonder if Bush read Camus' essay "Reflections on the Guillotine," in which Camus eloquently and convincingly argues against capital punishment. With Bush's determination to "stay the course" in a dead-end war, and his career-long support of the death penalty, if he did read it, he wasn't convinced. The essay opens with a description of Camus' father after he has witnessed an execution. Camus describes him as coming home and vomiting. Whatever revenge is supposedly sated by witnessing an execution, it is still watching someone die, which, unless you're one of the sociopathic killers on death row, is not a pleasant experience.
Three: Camus, as a member of the French Resistance and author of The Rebel, was always the type to question authority, and not give into government propaganda. If Camus were living in America today, I'd like to think that he'd be as disgusted with the current administration as I am. He'd be working at a publication like Combat, the one he edited in France during World War II, where he voiced his opposition to the Nazi occupation. Camus, like his fellow Resistance members and existentialists, believed in the necessity of dissent and rebellion. Bush's government, in its desperation to fuel patriotism and support for an unpopular war through wiretapping and holding prisoners without a trial, is trying to squash both. But we can take some comfort in the fact that, with lines of communication more open and immediate than ever, and two judges finding the wiretapping unconstitutional, and Bush's waning popularity and that he'll be out of office in two years, the rebellious spirit has not been squelched, despite all the far right's best efforts.

Post-Halloween weekend report

The Halloween weekend is over, and I managed to get out to Bound on Friday. I even had a good time (thanks for the vibrator experience James). As expected, there were some great costumes, like Dolphy's hot cop outfit, and several floggers flying in the air and electricity demos. I was the French Resistance member, with a black turtleneck and beret (I put my outfit together at the last minute), but only Officer Will got it without me explaining it. But that's okay. I can't wait to see the pictures, Maverick. And it was great to see everyone again, even though Madame Klawdya wasn't there.
The new space is great, bigger (which made it easier to avoid a certain someone than it would have been at the Green Lantern) with more room for scenes, but, as I was discussing with someone on Friday, the bar isn't so great. The Green Lantern had an amazing bar, with that Smirnoff drink special. I heard that Jeff left the Green Lantern, and we need to get him over to Lime. Because as I'm sure Bound patrons will agree, Jeff is one of the best bartenders ever, and I missed him at Lime.
Entre Nous' Halloween party on Saturday was packed, which, like Jennifer said, detracted from the enjoyment. It was nearly impossible to get a drink or find a place to sit down, and people ended up dancing in the lounge area because the dance floor was too crowded. One minor complaint aside, it was a good night. I met a great new couple (dressed in caveman and cavewoman costumes) and saw some old friends. Jennifer (the hostess, not my friend Jennifer) was looking very hot in her Snow White costume, and the other Jennifer (with red hair) was equally hot as a sexy nun. I was Veronica Lake, although the wind destroyed my hair. My intended date for the evening got sick, so I went alone. It's a shame, I think he would have had a good time. I loved Cat's dark angel costume, but I love Cat too, and she looks hot in anything. But the best costume of the night, as determined by the contest, and I agree, was Lady Godiva, wearing nothing but a long blond wig and a flesh-toned thong. I just wish DJ Larry had been there with his 80s metal set.
Bound is having another Halloween party tomorrow, the Hell Ball, and I'd love to go, but I don't see how I can. I don't have a car, and the Metro stops running at midnight during the week, and I'm not about to lose a shitload of money taking a cab back to Takoma Park. If I can go, I'll try to get Wednesday off of work (I made the mistake of going to work the day after the Goth Prom at Alchemy in May, and could barely stay awake). Maybe the Hell Ball will be worth the cab fare home. Hopefully you'll see me out tomorrow night. I can't think of a better place to spend Halloween.

DC hates goths

Alchemy's last weekly night was last night, Midian's gone monthly, Midnight sucks, all of which leads me to believe that there is a widespread DC conspiracy against the goth subculture. If this is happening in other cities as well, please let me know, and we can form a gothic guerilla warfare troop and take back our clubs.
There is one gothic/industrial venue left, for those who don't mind a bit of fetish/S&M mixed in: Bound. I will be going tonight for Halloween, after a long absence due to the inconvenience of the new venue from the metro. I will do my best to fight my fatigue and get out there, though I may have to leave early. It's at Lime, in SW, next to the Crucible (I know, not the best neighborhood, but worth it). Even if you're not interested in the fetish elements, there are some great DJs who spin the best in goth and industrial (you'll probably see me out on the dance floor). And Halloween is the best time to go. It's our high holy day, after all.

Muslim cleric blames women for rape

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061026/ap_on_re_au_an/australia_muslims

I think the title of this article should sufficiently explain my outrage. This cleric compared uncovered women to uncovered meat, ripe for predators. Since he was in Australia, which is not an Islam theocracy like Iran, he felt compelled to apologize in the face of public outcry.
One cleric aside, this is a common belief among the more devout Muslims. In Pakistan, a woman must present "witnesses" to her rape to bring charges, to assure the (male) law enforcers that the rape wasn't somehow her fault. In Iran a while back, a murderer of prostitutes was briefly considered a national hero, "cleaning up the filth" of "loose" women. It was only after the murderer revealed that he had had sex with his victims that his unofficial "hero" status was revoked. The comparison to "uncovered meat" says a lot about how fundamentalist Islam views women (please note that I do not include all Muslims here), not as people, but as pieces of meat, dangerous and open to predators if left to their own devices.
This ideology of women being covered so men can control themselves is not only offensive to women, but should be offensive to men too. It implies that men are unable to control their lust. Yes, the rape statistics in the US are staggering, but every single woman walking down the street, no matter how "revealing" her clothes, is not raped. Men, no matter how annoying they can be at times, are able to control themselves. The ones who can't are still a minority. Ascribing such an animalistic view to humanity (comparing women to meat and men to cats instinctively drawn to prey on the vulnerable meat) is ironic for a fundamentalist religion, as it almost guarantees the theory of evolution. I'm not aware of the Muslim creation myth, but I'm sure evolution would run counter to it. But, even with evolution, humans are more evolved than cats, and should be treated as such. Humans can reason, think critically, and are bound by laws, not only instinct, as those who blame women for their own rapes insist on using to defend rapists and villify victims. This kind of thinking leads rape victims to hide their identities, when they should be able to stand up and accuse their attackers without fear. The rapists are the ones who should be hiding in the shadows ashamed (This is paraphrased from Elizabeth Wurtzel's book Bitch:In Praise of Difficult Women). False rape accusations also lead to the skepticism of real rape accusations. Women who make these false accusations do a severe disservice to real victims, discrediting their claims. Because although the false rape claims are still less common than real rapes, they generate press and are used by defense attorneys, accused rapists and the general public to further villify the victim instead of the rapist.

Now, my ranting aside, I am looking forward to this weekend. I'm meeting up with a friend tonight after work to jump start the Halloween weekend. And, thanks to another friend, I just might make it back to Bound for the first time in over a month tomorrow night. Halloween is a great time of year.

Prison Break and Halloween

Last night's episode of Prison Break did not let me down. It was one unexpected twist after another: Sucre and Michael were in cahoots the whole time, with Sucre "stealing" the money, and in another twist, T-Bag switched the bags and got the money himself, when the whole purpose of stealing the money was to get it away from T-Bag. At one point I thought Sucre was a goner, when he was under the tree trunk in the water, but he survived. And he might get his girl back. Linc got LJ without attracting the attention of the Feds, he paid someone to beat up LJ so he could get him out of the hospital (at first I thought one of the Feds paid the guy to bring Linc out to defend his son). And Mahone. He's in cahoots with Kellerman and the conspiracy syndicate, who have ordered Mahone to kill all the fugitives. I really liked Mahone, and, call me naive, but I'm not ready to give up on him. I know I'm obsessed with this show, but it's an exciting reprieve from the workday. The gorgeous men in the cast (Wentworth Miller, Dominic Purcell, and in an odd way William Fichtner) don't hurt.
On the Prison Break Yahoo group (I'm a member, yes I'm that obsessed), someone submitted a list of all the casualties so far. In the Prison Break world, no one is safe:
1) tweener2) abruzzi3) governor Tancredi4) Bishop5) veronica6) agent hale7) Dr. Gudat8) quinn9) lj's mom: Lisa10) lj's step dad11) westmorland' s cat: Marilyn12) nick's dad13) President Mills14) Michael's pet Rat15) Maytag: T-Bag pocket holder #1 (died because Michael tried to get allen)16) Seth: T-Bag pocket holder #2 (because Maytag died, he became pocket holder target)17) Turk (Lincoln killed him during Riot)18) Crabs19) Leticia20) Fake Steadman in garage21) Westmoreland22) To the other unknown lost souls who tragically died during the riot23) CO Bob: T-Bag killed him during riot24) nick24) T-Bag's dead hand25) Lucas 26) Steadman's teeth27) Michael's toes
Halloween, my favorite time of year, is coming up. I have at least two parties to go to this weekend, and possibly one on the day itself, and I'm getting closer to finding a costume. Inspired by my costume last year, Rita Hayworth in Gilda, I might take another page from the classic movie cannon, after seeing photos of Veronica Lake. I can probably find a dress like one she's wearing, but getting the hair might prove challenging. And I'll have a date for at least one party, and we want to at least somewhat coordinate our costumes. I was thinking he could dress as Alan Ladd in This Gun for Hire (great movie, by the way), with my Veronica Lake outfit. Of course she was a blonde, and I don't feel like dying my hair. No matter what I end up wearing, the Halloween festivities are sure to brighten my mood.

Finally

A new episode of Prison Break. I can't wait to see what Sucre's next move will be.
I had a great time last weekend, even if I didn't make it out to EN on Saturday. I returned from the weekend slightly more confident that there are guys out there who want to be with me, even if they aren't perfect (who is?). This new guy is far from my ideal (I think I met my ideal guy, but we can't be together for reasons I can't go into here), but he's interesting, fun, and I can actually talk to him. And this weekend I have all the Halloween parties to go to. But I still don't have a costume. That guy that used to cause me so much grief is rapidly receding to the back of my mind, but he's not yet fully out of my mind and trampled on the ground, which is where he belongs. I might even come back to Bound this Friday, if I can get a ride out to the club.
I heard something interesting over the weekend about the murdered Russian journalist. Apparently, the murder was committed on President Putin's birthday. Considering that the victim was "a thorn in Putin's ass," to quote a friend, that was one hell of a birthday present.

Going out tonight

But at the rate I'm going, I might not make it. I am tired, as I have been all week, and haven't exactly been productive at work. But I think I need to get out, and I have a date with a new guy, who hopefully won't turn out to be like the assholes I usually manage to meet: "I've only known callous love" -Bob Dylan
And yet, I still think about this one other guy, up in Boston, who I can never be with due to outside circumstances (it's complicated, don't ask). I know I need to find someone else, and I'm trying, but I can't stop thinking about him. When I was going through my recent guy trouble (which did not convince me that there are good guys out there), all I could think about was the one I left, who can't be with me, and how he would make it all better if we could just be together. Maybe I'm just clinging to him because I'm afraid to meet new people. On some level I am, who isn't nervous around someone new? But I guess it does afflict me more strongly than others. I look down when I walk, just to avoid eye contact with those passing by. I can't stand it when people try to talk to me on the Metro. I have a few people who I'm comfortable with, and I try to remind myself that they were also strangers to me at one point, but it doesn't help. But I've met one more new person, and hopefully this will work out. The times we've talked I guess I've been okay, but I'm always wondering what I should say next. A friend said I think too much before I talk, that I'm too worried about saying the wrong thing. I know everyone says stupid things, and usually the person they're talking to just laughs it off, but it still worries me.
We're going to a party tonight, where I'll know at least a few people, so maybe I'll be okay. It's a pre-Halloween party, and since I don't have a costume yet (I'm open to suggestions for a costume for next weekend), I decided to recycle my outfit from SMB, which seemed to go over well (the short black dress with my cleavage hanging out, and a velvet cape). Tonight should be fun. I just have to wake up first.

Ridiculous Scientology propaganda

Like there's any other kind. An LA reporter's coverage of a new Scientology-sponsored "museum" chronicling the "evils" of the cult's favorite whipping post, psychiatry, details just how absurd Scientology is: http://www.lacitybeat.com/article.php?id=3137&IssueNum=136 Andrew Gumbel's encounter with the Scientology publicist, who wanted to debate psychiatry while the reporter just wanted to discuss the structure of the museum, is particularly illuminating. All Scientologists assume they have to defend their beliefs, and have a persecution complex which adds to their sense of having misunderstood and suppressed insights into the human mind, much like conservatives' complaints about the "liberal media." What they overlook, however, is that most people just don't care about Scientology, or consider it an absurd lunatic fringe institution. But, as www.xenu.net illustrates (and Scientology has tried to shut the site down), Scientology is more than a group of harmless wackos. They bleed their followers dry, restrict access to information that is critical of their views (all while claiming to support "religious freedom"), and have an absolutist philosophy with absolutely no proof to back it up. Xenu.net's creator has had some highly entertaining, and unintentionally illuminating, email exchanges with inarticulately irate Scientologists, who accuse him of being a former mental patient, on Prozac or illegal drugs (which have no distinction in the Scientological mind), all of which, he tells them, are false. He frequently challenges them to find inaccuracies in his assertions, and not one provides a convincing argument.
According to the Scientology "museum," psychiatry is to blame for everything from Nazism (a surefire way to establish animosity toward anything is to link it to the Nazis) to school shootings to 9/11. Yes, according to Scientology, suicide bombers are engineered by psychiatric drugs, but provide no proof that the 9/11 hijackers were even on any of these drugs, and I find it hard to believe that they would be. And although Hitler used eugenic theory to justify his "Final Solution," the concept that psychiatry in and of itself leads to Hitler-level evil is unfounded. Hitler also misinterpreted Nietzche's theory of the "ubermensch" to justify the extermination of "undesirables," does that mean Nietzche is evil (although one may disagree with his assertions, such as his unenlightened views of women)? And if psychiatry was a tool of the Nazis, how do we explain the high number of Jewish psychiatrists, including Freud, the father of psychoanalysis? Why would Hitler use the teachings of a Jew, and he deemed the writings of Jews as "decadent," to justify their termination? Hitler is far too complex to be narrowed into one field of blame for his behavior, and his rise to power was allowed by fierce German nationalism in the face of the devastation wrought by World War I, not by psychiatrists.
But, as Gumbel points out, psychiatry is an easy target, with the questionable past practices of electroshock and lobotomies and questionable present practices of psychiatric drugs. But it's one thing to say that the field has made mistakes that need to be corrected through further research and more competent practitioners, and quite another to say that the field in and of itself is evil and beyond rescue. Psychiatry, unlike the pseudoscience of Dianetics, the cornerstone of Scientology, has evolved since its inception (whether for better or worse is open to debate). As an article on Xenu.net makes clear, Dianetics has not been tested by its adherents (though L. Ron Hubbard claimed to have tested it), does not stand up to scientific scrutiny (the "examples" Hubbard uses of "engrams" are ridiculous, in my opinion) and any criticism of the theory is suppressed by the Scientology elite. Psychiatrists, like members of all scientific communities, constantly disagree and debate theories within their field. That's how practices and the field itself evolve.

Back from New York

I had a great time at my friend's reading at CBGBs on Friday. After watching him struggle to finish the book, it was nice to see him getting some recognition, and having his picture taken with Tommy Ramone and Handsome Dick Manitoba. Apparently, the guy sitting next to me at the bar before the reading knew some of these 70s punk figures, because John Holmstrom (of Punk magazine) and Tommy Ramone were both inches away from me at one point. I particularly enjoyed seeing Dick Manitoba come in and ask, "Where's this Beeber guy? I need to see him." And after the reading, Gary Lucas performed with his band Gods and Monsters, which included members of the original Modern Lovers and Television. I didn't get to spend too much time with Steven, because on Saturday he had to fly to Minneapolis for his interview at the Twin Cities Book Festival. But it was great to see things happening for him. And he signed my book.
The rest of my weekend in New York was a nice break from routine. I especially enjoyed going to a bar in the Village called the Slaughtered Lamb, with horror movie decor and hot goth girl bartenders. One made the second-best Cosmopolitan I've ever had (after the one Todd helped "make" for me on my birthday).
But I'm back now, and ready to trudge through another work week. I will definitely try to get back out to Bound for Halloween, but I'm not promising anything. DJ Panic offered to take me out to SW, since getting there has proven difficult. But location is only one reason I haven't been able to get myself to Bound recently, although I appreciate Johnny's offer. I really do know some great people, so why should I worry about the one who doesn't deserve any space in my mind?

The Bath massacre

http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/history/bath/index_1.html

In a previous post, I said that the Bath massacre, the worst school massacre in history, was over one hundred years old. I was wrong. It happened in 1927. I also called it a school shooting. That was also wrong. The forty victims were killed in an explosion. Andrew Kehoe, the perpetrator, blamed the school for taking his tax dollars, which he claimed was the cause of his poor economic status. So he took it out on the students. This is exactly the kind of warped logic one would expect from a mass murderer. If you don't approve of high taxes, you lobby to make them lower or vote in representatives who won't raise taxes (not that politicians are the types to be taken at their word, but that's another topic). You don't blow up a school because of school taxes.
Kehoe was a classic mass murderer, someone who felt like a failure, who felt insignificant, and took it out on his farm, a school, and himself. He blew up his pickup truck while still inside.

Has Russia really changed?

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/la-fg-anna11oct11,1,445255.story?coll=la-headlines-world

With a journalist recently murdered, after publishing disparaging articles about the Russian government and President Vladimir Putin (who discussed the crime with "President" Bush), how far has Russia come from the oppressive goverment of the Stalin regime? Yes, the communists have been deposed, which of course is good news for capitalist America, but if a journalist is murdered after criticizing the government, has anything really changed?
Putin, in a Bushesque move, granted a cursory sympathy for the murdered journalist, while implying that her articles "damaged" Russia and that she was killed not by government agents sent to protect Russia's interests, but by exiles seeking to tarnish Russia's international reputation. Using a tragic event to instill fear and patriotism in the masses. But unlike 9/11, which actually was committed by America's enemies (however ill-informed the US government was), Putin has no proof of his paranoid assumption, or at least hasn't made this proof public. Considering that the murdered journalist was a vocal critic of Putin, his comments are suspect to say the least. He appears to be trying to deflect the blame off of himself and his supporters (although it's unlikely that Putin himself had anything to do with the murder, but that might be the subject of another "paranoid theory" post) and onto enemies of the nation, just as Bush and his league of evil call their war tactics, which have left thousands dead and the Middle East no less in chaos, necessary to spread democracy and protect America.
But unfortunately for Putin, this murdered journalist had many admirers, who call her a "true patriot" for exposing the corruption that is undermining the liberties of Russian citizens. I can't say for certain how popular Putin currently is in Russia, but if his approval rating is anything like Bush's (in the 30s and falling), the public likely isn't buying his assertions. But if one journalist is any indication, or her articles detailing abuses by the Russian government, Putin and his staff and supporters do not take dissent lightly. Undermining the memory of a murder victim and using the crime to cast blame on real or imagined enemies. Funny, you don't hear Ann Coulter calling Putin a "media whore."

Front row seat to the end of an era

Maybe not exactly a front row seat, but I will be at CBGBs at least one night of its closing weekend (assuming, of course, that I manage to get Friday afternoon off from work). My friend from Boston, Steven Lee Beeber, is celebrating the release of his book "The Heebie-Jeebies at CBGBs" Read more about the book at http://www.jewpunk.com/ including the release party at the CBs Gallery.
It really is a shame that CBGBs has to close. With Nation in DC also closing earlier this year due to a new sports arena, there are getting to be fewer alternative clubs around for people like me to meet and hear some good music. We've all heard what passes for "music" these days. CBGBs closing because of a finacial dispute is just another symptom of the sickness.

Yet another lame come-on

I got another stupid message from a guy on My Space this morning. It wasn't even a real message, just the subject "u make me wana fuck" (it's a bad sign when someone can't even spell a colloquialism like "wanna" correctly) and a graphic of two people fucking. I looked at his profile, and he was clearly a "girl collector," one of those guys on My Space who tries to gather as many girls as possible into his "friend" harem. All I saw on his profile were girls and girl graphics. Why do guys continue to think that they can get a girl's attention with uninspired gestures like this one? If this was an isolated incident, I would attribute it to stupidity on the part of this one guy, but it isn't. I have gotten many, many messages like this, as those who read my blog know. What kind of encouragment have they gotten for this behavior? And why is it that I get swarms of pathetic, unattractive, stupid guys after me, but the few guys I do want either can't be with me or want nothing to do with me? Will I forever be a magnet for car-honking, sex solicitation-sending, baseball cap-wearing, porn-addicted losers, and the few times I can get a decent guy interested in me, it will never last?

Amish school shooter update

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15128946/

Like JonBenet and John Mark Karr months ago, a new crime story has demanded my attention, Charles Carl Roberts' rampage in an Amish schoolhouse. More information has come out about the shooter, including claims that he molested relatives years ago, and, around the time of the shooting, was having urges to molest children again. Equipment found in Roberts' possession hinted that he intended to molest the girls he held hostage and later killed, but didn't have time before the police showed up.
Roberts' letters to his wife about a daughter who died shortly after birth, that he had "lost faith in God," indicate a suicidal mission. Why he chose an Amish school is uncertain, and maybe it was just the first stop he came up on (he was driving a milk truck) when the urge hit. It was probably unintentional, but a man who lost faith in God hits a town that is sustained after the massacre by their faith in God. The end of the article shows one of the scarier aspects of faith, the emphasis of the afterlife over the current life, almost like it doesn't matter that their children are dead because they're now in a better place, but maybe I'm reading too much into it. The people of the town also pray they will be able to forgive the gunman, showing the kind of Christian mercy in short supply in America's "Religious Right." But Roberts' daughter died years ago, what made him act now? Was it the urge to abuse children he said he was feeling again? With Roberts dead, that question will likely go unanswered.
Yesterday I saw the New York Post's headline about the case, "EXECUTED" against a bold block background. Nothing like the Post for lurid headlines. Oddly enough, the Post was once a reputable newspaper, before Rupert Murdoch bought it.

More on the Amish school shooting

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15113706/

One person interviewed for the story says that the school shooting in Amish country proves that "there is no safe place." While inner cities are still hotbeds of violent crime, it can happen anywhere, even among the God-fearing, technology-eschewing Amish.
Of course the gunman's wife, who he called in the middle of his rampage to tell her he was "settling a grudge" now says what a great guy Roberts was, that he was a good father. We still don't know much about him, except that he was shattered after he lost his daughter a few years ago. But many, many parents have lost children without going on a shooting spree. And at the momen, we don't know what that additional factor was that made him snap. But unlike the Colorado gunman, there is no evidence that any of the female hostages and victims in the Amish schoolhouse were sexually abused by their captor.
Unlike serial killers, who typically live alone, many mass murderers have been married, as Roberts was. Charles Whitman, of Texas bell tower infamy, was recently married when he went on his rampage. A man who left about 30 dead in a McDonald's (I can't remember his name at the moment) was married and had children, and his crime was likely a violent manifestation of his resentment at his failed businesses, which left him unable to provide for his children. Since Whitman, like so many other mass murderers, including Roberts, who shot himself, ended his rampage shot by police, his motives are unclear. But a recent development indicated that he had a tumor in the frontal lobe of his brain, which controls behavior. But it's still uncertain, and we will probably never know what set Whitman off.
That so many mass murders end with the death, either by the killer's own hand or "suicide by cop" is probably no accident. As has been frequently noted, mass murders are suicides with a higher body count. While the killer wants to exact revenge on the world he feels has wronged him (which was also likely Beltway Sniper John Muhammed's motive), his ultimate target is himself. School shooter Kip Kinkel begged police to shoot him (they didn't, and he's still in prison). The Columbine killers shot themselves. And the Colorado and Amish schoolhouse gunmen both ended their rampages by taking their own lives.
I use the male pronoun here because the vast majority of mass murderers, like serial killers and killers in general, are men. This is one element that criminologists and law enforcement officials have noticed and been investigating for years. Women get angry too, and have the same motives as men to rage against the world (I know there were times when I was in school that I wanted to destroy everyone in my path). While there have been female mass murderers (Brenda "I don't like Mondays" Spencer comes to mind), they are rare. I read an article about the Columbine shooting a few years ago, which offered a theory on this. When something bad happens to a woman, she tends to think it's her own fault, but when something bad happens to a man, he often blames someone else. Women usually turn their rage inward, and the majority of self-mutilators are women. But men are more likely to project their anger onto someone else. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and whether these differences are the result of biology or social conditioning is open to debate.
On a different topic, last night's Prison Break was full of surprises. Mahone shoots Tweener, Linc breaks from the fold to get his son, who has been suddenly released and the murder charges against him dropped, Sara's father appeared to have killed himself (though Sara has her suspicions), and Sucre demands every bit of Westmoreland's money for himself. And I have to wait three weeks for a new episode.

School shooting in Amish country

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/15105305/?GT1=8618

Not long after a gunman terrorized students in Colorado, a truck driver took an Amish schoolhouse hostage, where he, like the Colorado gunman, focused on the female students. There isn't much information about the gunman, except that he threatened to shoot his way out if the cops called to the scene didn't leave. As the article points out, this is the latest in a long line of recent school shootings. I actually don't have much to say about this story, I just wanted to share it, because the headline grabbed my attention.
But the deadliest school massacre on record is over a century old. It took place in Bath, Ohio, and, while I don't have enough information on it for a detailed analysis, not one of the recent shootings in our "godless" and "permissive" era (as conservative critics are fond of placing the blame for contemporary violence on) has matched the Bath massacre's body count.
On the personal front, since I know all of you love to hear about my pathetic little life, things are actually starting to look up. I've met a couple of guys, made some new friends, and had a great time at Entre Nous last Saturday. And I've gotten some writing done. It will still be a while before I get to Bound again, but I hope the crowd doesn't forget about me.

A few thoughts on the Colorado gunman

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15057589/

This article says that Morrison, the man who held a group of high school students hostage, and sexually assaulted them, before killing one and then himself, had talked about suicide before. Though he only killed one of his hostages, Morrison clearly had the mindset of a mass murderer. He wanted to kill himself, but before he did, having made the decision to end his life, also decided to live out his depraved fantasies and take a few lives with his. He'd probably thought about doing what he ultimately did for a long time, but didn't do it until, knowing he was going to die, figured he had nothing to lose.
The mass murderer and female hostages is reminiscent of Richard Speck, who took a nursing school dorm hostage before slaughtering all but one of the residents. But Speck, unlike most of his breed, didn't kill himself or die in a shootout with police. His weapon of choice, stabbing, was also rare among mass murderers, who prefer the anonymous, rapid-fire method of shooting.
On a personal note, I was invited to a party tonight, but have, once again, decided not to go. I just don't feel up to it. I guess I still need some time on my own.

Third mistrial for Gotti Junior

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/15030317/

John Gotti Jr. got a third mistrial. The charge is whether he continued to receive mob money after he claims to have "quit" the Gambino crime family in 1999, meaning the statute of limitations would have expired before the charges were brought in 2004.
The odd thing is, this article, describing Gotti's mistrials, doesn't say a thing about jury tampering. The mob has been doing that for years, and with one mistrial after another, I have to wonder if Gotti's goons are intimidating jurors. Each mistrial has been caused by a jury deadlock. We have to remember who Gotti Junior learned the family business from, a man called the "Teflon Don" because no law enforcement agency could get a charge to stick to him, none other than the legendary John Gotti Senior. While Gotti Junior is no match for his father, he clearly learned something from him on how to get out of the clutches of law enforcement. But even Gotti Senior's luck ran out eventually (he died in prison a few years ago, likely still running the business from inside).
As the last of the great American crime families goes down in flames, I can't help thinking an era has passed. I know it's not exactly a healthy outlook, but America has always had its high-profile mobsters; Capone, Luciano, Siegel, Lansky, Gambino, Gotti, and so many others, who murdered and pillaged, but looked damn good doing it and captured the attention of mainstream society, a dark menace that was undeniably appealing. With this breed dead, all we have left are street gangs, low-rent hoods with no class or style. But maybe this shows us something too. If we strip away the veneer off these legendary mobsters, all we're left with is violent criminals. But you can't help admiring, or at least being fascinated by, a guy who looks like he belongs in a Wall Street power lunch meeting while working underground.
On a personal note, I'm writing again. Last night I did some more work on a novel-in-progress (what writer doesn't have at least one of those?), created a new idea for a story, and looked over an old poem that, to my horror, still has relevance in my life. It's about me in a relationship with a guy who ignored me with the exception of certain times he thought it was okay to bring me back into his life. I first wrote it four years ago, and very little has changed. I might post it on here sometime, if I can get it just to my liking.

Won't be going out tonight

I've gotten into a creative mood, and have decided to spend tonight doing something I haven't done in way too long: writing. I have so many projects in the works that I have been neglecting due to depression and lethargy, but I'm starting to come out of it now, and am ready to channel it into my writing. And while I'm sorry that I won't be able to join the girls at Midian tonight, I always feel better after I've written, I feel accomplished, like I've actually done something, however small, with my life. Maybe, after the craziness of SMB, I just need some time to myself, to pull myself out of my rut, and after I get back to writing and, through that, exorcise my various demons, I'll be able to go out into the world again.

A quote to think about

I found this while researching one of my favorite topics, crazy religious fanatics:
"The fiercest fanatics are often selfish people who were forced, by innate shortcomings or external circumstances, to lose faith in their own selves. They separate the excellent instrument of their selfishness from their ineffectual selves and attach it to the service of some holy cause. And though it be a faith of love and humility they adopt, they can be neither loving nor humble." -Eric Hoffer "The True Believer"
While a quote like this requires a wider span of time to contemplate, and I have no information about its author, I have a few thoughts/interpretations:
Many so-called "Christians" who advocate murdering abortion doctors and intolerance of homosexuality, go on "missions" to pass out Bibles rather than food, are acting out of self-interest, not devotion to any higher power. In religious groups (or any other fanatic sect of similarly downtrodden people), they find an outlet for their need for power, in the assertion of "superior" beliefs. Religious ideals of mercy and compassion can't be shown, because their goal is to assert their superiority, not to help anyone. Not that all fanatics are selfish. Some genuinely believe they are doing "God's work," either through self-delusion or a misinterpretation of holy texts. Like I said, this requires more time than I currently have to give it full justice.
This quote reminds me of something Colin Wilson wrote in A Criminal History of Mankind, that some people have a need for dominance and, in the absence of a specific, positive talent to get them noticed, they turn to criminal behavior, for which the only prerequisite is a lust for power and a lack of conscience (if the crime isn't motivated by a specific economic need as well, but like John Haigh, murderer for profit and pleasure, "There are easier ways to make money.") as a way to assert the power and superiority they believe they have.
I better stop now, while I'm ahead, before I write something stupid. I just wanted to post a blog that was more than me whining about the lack of love in my life. In the face of my depressed ramblings and absence from public life, I have gotten great support from friends, including Jennifer, who invited me to Midian tomorrow night to be free of my problems with men. I'll try to go, since her invitation was so kind, and I really need to get out, but weeknights are never good for me, especially without a car, and I'm still worried about running into a certain someone. But if I feel up to it, I'll see Jennifer, Sharon and Amanda at Midian tomorrow night. I'll just tell myself if I see that guy, I shouldn't care, because he has made it clear that he doesn't care, and there are far better guys for me out there, along with some great friends who continue to invite me places to cheer me up, even when I more often than not don't show up because of stupid flashes of melancholy. I haven't been to Midian yet. I really should check it out. Being alone in my room with only my thoughts can't be too good for me, even if I do see a certain guy if I go out. Better to confront it and decide firsthand that I'm better off without him than to keep mulling over things alone in my room.

Dragging my feet

I wanted to go to Entre Nous last Saturday, but by the end of the day all I wanted to do was lie around in bed. I can't figure out why I've felt so tired lately. It's unfortunate, because there's so much I want to do, write, meet up with friends, that I just haven't felt like doing. Maybe the sluggishness is an extension of the depression. There are places I'm afraid to go because I might run into a certain someone, someone I can't stand the sight of right now. Once I get over this (something I should have gotten over immediately), I'll probably get my energy back. But this whole man-mess has proven somewhat useful for my writing, providing an outlet to figure all this out. What I can't figure out is why this one guy got to me like he did, when I have had similar casual relationships with other guys that have ended without so much as a second glance from either of us. Through my more logical eyes, I see that this guy was hardly something special, we were barely compatible, except physically. But like I said, I've had other relationships like that, but they didn't end with me such a mess.
So, to the Bound crowd again; you very likely will not be seeing me for a while. At least until I find out what this guy did to take up space in my mind he had no right occupying, and by figuring this out, try to destroy it. Then I should be okay. Or until then, just remember what an asshole this guy was, and that, like a friend told me at SMB, I shouldn't have to chase after anyone. Maybe it's my old self-loathing kicking in again. Despite all the guys who clearly want me (but I don't want most of them, therein lies the problem), the one who doesn't is tearing me up inside. I wonder why the bad things are always more powerful than the good.
But on a good note, I got a message on MySpace from someone who had read my blogs and, in response, called me "brilliant." Though this one falls into the "whiny" category, it was nice to hear.
I will be leaving work soon, and going home. New Prison Break tonight. Being without a boyfriend, the men of Prison Break are all I have.

Bound's new venue

I won't be at Bound tonight, or, it appears, any time in the near future. Due to personal problems, and the new location, going to Bound will be difficult for me, at least for the time being. I know I shouldn't let personal problems, that shouldn't, by virtue of logical thinking, even be problems at all, stop me from going out and seeing everyone I had so much fun with at SMB, as well as Jeanne and Justin, who are returning tonight after a long absence, but I just can't get up the strength to go tonight. I just want everyone who is going to have fun for me, and be sure to supply details on the new venue. From what I saw at SMB, it should be a good one, even though I'll miss Jeff behind the bar at the Green Lantern, and of course that Smirnoff drink special (maybe that led to some of the questionable decisions that I've made there).
It's a shame I have to miss Bound for a while. For the most part, I've met great people there; Klawdya, Todd, Jeanne and Justin, Johnny and Erin (I still can't believe I missed your wedding), Maverick, Dolphy, Jennifer, Angie and Sean, John and Emily, and so many others. Just know that I'll miss you during my absence, trying to collect what's left of my self-esteem (I'm going through another one of my depressed phases at the moment), and that you've helped me, probably without realizing it. If you hear someone scream tonight, maybe you'll think of me.

Feeling smart

I was watching the season premiere of Criminal Minds last night, and Dr. Reed was looking for a book that would help crack the code the UNSUB had sent to them. The team had already received various "clues," including a butterfly in a box, native to Great Britain. The combination of the butterfly, and the images of a blond girl chained in a dingy room by an obsessive captor, immediately reminded me of one of my favorite novels, The Collector by John Fowles. The kidnapper said the book "influenced many of my kind," and The Collector is one of the best insights into the criminal psyche ever published. One killer team (I don't remember if it was Bittaker and Norris or Lake and Ng) called their plan to capture and torture female sex slaves "Project Miranda," after the captive girl in the novel.
Dr. Reed eventually discovered that he was looking for a book published in 1963 (which made me more convinced that it was The Collector), and, based on a Chaucer poem the kidnapper sent to them, which contained the word fowls, Reed recalls a contemporary British author named John Fowles, and finally discovers that Fowles published a novel called The Collector in 1963, and the clues sent to them by the kidnapper, butterfly, music box, are all things that are collected.
Needless to say, I felt quite proud of myself that I had thought of The Collector long before Reed figured it out, even if it was only at the forefront of my mind because it's one of my favorite books.
On that note, ever since I started watching Criminal Minds, I've felt a similarity between myself and Dr. Reed. The official site for the show describes Reed as a man whose "social IQ is as low as his intellectual IQ is high." Reed himself says that everyone tells him their secrets because "I have no one to share them with." Like Reed, I have a tendency to rattle off facts about myself or what I know, often in a flat tone of voice (if I'm not shying away from conversation altogether), because that's the only way I know how to interact. My "low social IQ" has often led to me getting hurt, because I rarely know exactly what it is people, especially guys, want from me (sometimes, of course, it's painfully obvious what guys want, even to me). I don't know the right way to tell someone I want something more, or less, serious. In high school, my attempt to break up with my first boyfriend was a mess of stuttering and half-words, until I had to break away and write out what I wanted to say, and then come back.
I have always been able to express myself better in writing than in conversation. In writing, I can go back and cross out or delete the wrong words, and decide when a thought is "finished" enough to be made public. In conversation, I only get one shot, and after I walk away, I always think, like many people, maybe, of what I should have said. I should have phrased something differently, or told them something else, or not as much. But by then it's too late. Not that I haven't met some great friends recently, but my failures stay with me more than my successes.

Chavez sees the devil

Venezuelan president Chavez (the same guy televangelist asshole Pat Robertson called on the US to assasinate) called George W. Bush "the devil" in a speech at the U.N.
Now, facts aside, time for my commentary. Bush is not the devil, he is merely a tool of the devil, the devil's pet chimp. We all know Dick Cheney is really the devil. He has eluded death from heart disease several times, shot a guy in the face with few repercussions (except a joke here and there), and appears, for lack of a better term, hell-bent on world domination through the spread of "democracy." Cheney was secretary of defense during the first Gulf War, and is now vice president during the second. Just something to think about.
The reason Dick Cheney always looks like a vice has clamped his mouth shut, and he always hunches over when he appears in public, is because that's how he keeps his disguise on. Too much movement causes his "human" skin to fall off. And he walks so stiffly because, with a human body, it's hard to walk on cloven hooves.

New home for my blog

I used to have a blog on MySpace, until I was informed that Rupert Murdoch now owns everything I post on there, so fuck it. Thanks, Brooklyn Frank, for the heads up on that.
So Murdoch, owner of NewsCorps, now owns everything I have posted; my problems with men, my paranoid theories, and my hatred of "President" Bush and his league of evil. I was hoping to compile some of my blogs to publish in an anthology I heard about, but now I possibly have a legal hurdle. First FoxNews, now this. Thanks for all the bullshit Murdoch.